The Waiting Room of the Universe
by adalan
Summary: This story will primarily be about Liara's motivations and experiences immediately before and after the destruction of the Normandy SR1. It will mainly deal with grief, loneliness and the compromises you make when the one you love is gone/not well. Rated M for sexual content, language and eventual dark themes.
1. Chapter 1

I write for a living, but mostly just technical info. This is my first attempt creative writing. Please leave a comment if you have any feedback or recommendations.

I know many people were upset by Liara's drastic personality change between ME1 and ME 2. I hope to create some background as to why that change occurred. I hope you enjoy the story.

Edit: I have revised the earlier chapters to match the way my writing style has changed in the later chapters. I want to thank everyone for the reviews and the constructive criticism. It has helped me immeasurably!

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The Waiting Room of the Universe

_Chapter 1_

_She felt cold; it seeped into the core of her being. She opened her eyes to see darkness surrounding her. The only thing she could see was the flickering of lights far away from her. She was alone. She knew see must try to find her way to safety but there was nothing near her – no ship, no crew. She must wait for someone to find her and save her. All she had to claim as her own now was the cold, the darkness, the waiting…._

Liara woke from her dream with the feeling of warm arms surrounding her and moist breath on the nape of her neck. The residual feelings of cold, emptiness from her dream melted away as she slowly opened her eyes to see her lover's arms wrapped softly underneath her breasts. She did not know the cause of this reoccurring dream, but its importance faded away when she woke to the comfort of her partner's touch. Liara could tell by Shepard's rhythmic breathing that the human was still deep in her slumber. Liara absently ran her fingertips over Shepard's arms and pondered on the events that had brought her to this place, here and now.

It had been several weeks since the battle for the Citadel was waged and Saren and his Reaper flagship, Sovereign, were defeated. The battle had caused great damage and many lives had been lost. However, citizens of the Citadel were primarily relieved that the previously unknown threat had been so quickly resolved. In fact, even among the Council members, politicians and leaders of the Alliance, there was a drive to forget the dire Reaper threat which remained in deep space.

Commander Shepard and the crew of the Normandy, however, knew that the threat remained. Liara was present when Shepard spoke with the Prothean VI, Vigil, and with the Reaper ship, Sovereign. In a few short minutes, Liara learned the fate of the Prothean race she had studied for decades. The Protheans came to a violent end at the hand of the Reaper race and the Protheans were only one of a multitude of races that had met this fate over millions of years. It was time for the cycle of extinction to continue as it had since the beginning of time. No race would be safe from the onslaught of the Reaper forces, but no one was willing to admit this or take any action except for the small crew of the Normandy.

Liara was still running her fingertips across Shepard's arms as she thought of these events. Shepard stirred and slowly opened her eyes. "Hey, what are you doing?" she asked sleepily.

"Just thinking," Liara replied. She turned her body in Shepard's embrace so she could look into the woman's deep, green eyes.

"About what?" Shepard said with a crooked grin.

Liara, not willing to spoil a quiet morning with her love with thoughts of destruction and worry, replied, "Oh, nothing important right now."

A playful look crossed Shepard's eyes and she said, "I thought you might have been thinking about last night."

Liara's blue skin turned a deeper shade as she thought of the hours they had spent deep in each other's embrace. "Shepard…." Liara shyly turned her eyes away and looked to a distant corner of the room. Although the pair had spent many nights together since their initial joining before landing on Ilos, the young asari still did not know how to respond to the intimacy she shared with the human female.

Shepard giggled and touched the side of the asari's face. "You are so cute when you are shy." She quickly pulled Liara into an embrace and kissed her forehead. Liara nestled her head between Shepard's neck and shoulder as the asari hid her blushing face from view. Her lips brushed against the skin on Shepard's neck as she smiled. The two remained like this in silence for a few moments.

The sound of the intercom broke the silence. The Normandy's helmsman, Joker, interrupted the couple's bliss without any apparent regard. "Hey, Commander, you awake yet? You've been sleeping in quite a bit for someone with military discipline. Or… oh, maybe you haven't been 'sleeping' in the mornings! Is that it? Come on, you can tell me. I certainly won't broadcast our conversation on the intercom system for the entire ship."

"Joker, certainly you have something more important to discuss than my sleeping habits," the Commander replied shortly.

"Commander, you are no fun, did you know that? XO Pressly wanted me to report that scanners have picked up evidence of a settlement on Lorek. It's a small settlement, but they are packing some serious hardware down there."

The Commander sighed. "Ok, Joker, inform Pressly that I will be at the CIC in five minutes. I want to see the scan reports when I arrive." Shepard turned to Liara and gave her a quick kiss. "Well, I suppose I better get up and get to business." The Normandy had been tasked with locating remaining Geth forces in the Terminus Systems. Human settlements had been attacked recently, however, the Alliance brass could not determine if the attacks were the result of Geth forces or local pirate raids. The Normandy was investigating any anomalies they encountered while patrolling the Terminus Systems.

Liara jumped out of the bed as she said, "Shepard, let me go with you. I'll get my armor on."

Shepard touched Liara's arm as she was walking past. "No, Liara, you stay here. I know you need some rest after last night." Liara blushed again and was in no state to argue her case. "I'll take Kaidan and Garrus. We'll be back before you know it." Shepard slid on a tank top and shorts and was out the door before Liara could even regain her wits.

Shepard had become reluctant to have Liara in her squad since the attack on the Citadel. Liara knew that Shepard was trying to protect her, but she would prefer to be with Shepard and know that she is safe. The hours of waiting for Shepard's return were difficult. Not only did Liara have to deal with the anxiety of not knowing if Shepard was safe, she also just did not know what to do with her time.

Since she was not an Alliance crew member, she did not have a defined role on the Normandy. Her expertise with Prothean history and archaeology made her the best person to evaluate relics discovered on many of Shepard's visits to foreign planets. Less than a year ago, she would have been overjoyed to have the opportunity to research so many rare relics. For decades, she had spent her time in solitude, becoming completely lost in discovering and researching the relics of the Prothean Empire. It had been her passion and had fulfilled her. Now, however, her passions had changed, and she did not know quite what to do with herself unless she was in Shepard's arms.

Liara also did not know what to make of this change within herself. She had always been content to be alone and engaged in some scientific study. Her desire to learn and to know had kept her driven every minute of every day. She had not even considered developing a relationship with anyone, let alone this mysterious, human female. But now that this relationship had formed, Liara cannot even imagine her life of solitude before. It is as if the only home she had ever known or ever will know was with Shepard.

This life with Shepard was the most wonderful thing she had ever known, but it had its drawbacks. Liara was standing in the middle of one of the worst drawbacks now – the waiting. "Well, you better do something useful," Liara chided herself. Slipping on a gown and grabbing a fresh towel and scientist uniform, Liara headed to the shower.

The heat of the shower pulled Liara into a reality that she did not entirely want – the reality of filling up the days with tasks, waiting for the intimacy of night to return. Liara made up her mind that she would focus on her research and keep these wandering thoughts out of her head. She finished her shower and slipped into her uniform. After depositing some items in Shepard's quarters, Liara returned to her lab in the back of the med bay.

She opened the terminal in the lab and began to review her notes on the Prothean disc discovered on Chasca in the Maroon Sea. This disc was more intact than other discs she had seen and seemed to have a large data cache on it. Liara tried several methods to extract the data, but all were unsuccessful.

Liara's shoulders became tense. She had not realized how long she had been sitting in the same position, staring at the terminal. Liara was not certain how much time had passed, but she knew it had been several hours. She wondered why she had not heard from Shepard. Liara decided that a walk to the CIC would help to loosen the muscles in her back. She closed the terminal and walked out of the lab. As she climbed the steps to the CIC, she noted that the crew were buzzing around the work stations in the CIC faster than usual. She heard a noise in the distance at the top of the steps which sounded like a recording.

As she reached the top of the steps, she saw XO Pressly was tense and bent over a work station which was playing the radio transmissions of the shore party on the planet. The sound of rapid gunfire filled the room. Shepard and her team were in a heavy fire fight.

Kaidan's voice broke through the sound of the firefight. "I am cornered on the left flank, repeat, I am cornered on the left flank. I have three asari commandos inbound. Throwing up a barrier."

Garrus' husky voice replied, "Getting into a sniping position, throwing out proximity mine for supper …." His voice was cut short.

"Damn," Shepard screamed. "Garrus is hit by a stasis field. I'm advancing to center position to lay down suppression on both flanks."

"That's crazy, Shepard. I'll hold this position," Kaidan exclaimed.

"Moving forward. It looks like they just put Garrus in stasis to slow him down. They can't get a good angle on him. Moving up to engage your commandos." The sound of shuffling movements and rapid fire continued. "Kaidan, I only see two commandos on your position. Where is the third?"

At that moment, the sound of a huge crash flooded the radio transmission and the weapon fire briefly ceased. Kaidan shouted, "Oh no! Shepard's down, Shepard's down! Normandy, requesting immediate extraction on my position."


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2_

Liara rushed to Pressly's side as she yelled, "Shepard's down? What does he mean?" Pressly made no attempt to respond and instead focused on the terminal before him.

"Joker, zero in on the Mako's position and prepare to land a team on the double," Pressly shouted. "Wrex, need you and Tali on the ground to assist with the extraction."

"Ha! I guess even the great Commander is a squishy human after all," Wrex quipped as he headed down to the cargo bay.

Liara stared at Wrex with confusion at his relaxed attitude about the situation. Liara then focused her attention on Pressly, grabbing his shoulder and turning him away from the terminal. "I am going with them to get Shepard!"

"No, you are not," Pressly replied as he turned back to the terminal. Biotic energy began emanating from Liara's skin. She was going groundside if she had to use her biotics to rip a hole in the hull in the Normandy to jump out of. Pressly saw that she was becoming unstable. "Somebody get her out of the CIC! I don't have time for this."

Tali rushed to Liara's side and touched her shoulder. "Come on, let me take you down to the med bay." Liara didn't know what to do. She would do anything to get to Shepard, but her actions were making the situation worse. Reluctantly, she followed Tali to the med bay.

Tali rushed Liara through the door to the med bay, much to Dr. Chakwas' surprise. "Dr. T'Soni, what is wrong?" she asked as she stood from her desk.

"Keep her occupied!" Tali said as she turned to meet Wrex in the cargo bay.

Dr. Chakwas rushed to Liara as she feel to her knees in the floor. "Liara, what is going on?"

Liara felt lost as she stared at the floor beneath her. Slowly her eyes rose to meet the eyes of the doctor standing above her. "It's Shepard. I heard Kaidan report that she was down." Tears began to slide down her face. "Wrex and Tali are going to assist with the extraction." Liara looked away from Dr. Chakwas and stared at a distant corner.

The gravity of the situation then became apparent to the doctor. She kneeled down to look the young asari in the eye. "It is good you are here then. I will need your help when Shepard returns."

Lines appeared in the asari's forehead as she stared at the doctor. "But I should be with Shepard now!"

"No, you shouldn't. Shepard will be fine, you'll see. She is our immovable center and she will always return. But if she knows that you are in danger, she will stop at nothing to protect you. So, you see, it is good you are here with me now."

Liara got back to her feet. She wanted to believe what Dr. Chakwas claimed, but she still felt that she failed Shepard because she had not been there to protect her. Dr. Chakwas watched her patiently and, sensing the dark thoughts behind the worried lines on the asari's face, she asked Liara to assist her with preparing medigel and other supplies for the arrival of the shore party. Liara knew the doctor always kept the med bay in an orderly state and was sure Dr. Chakwas did not need assistance with organizing supplies. However, she was grateful for the distraction and began to lay out the medical supplies according to the doctor's instruction. Several minutes had passed as Dr. Chakwas explained the different methods of application of medigel for different species. Dr. Chakwas reasoned that Liara must know this information since Garrus, Wrex and Tali might return needing treatment as well. Liara could not help but smile at the doctor's kind attempt to keep her mind occupied.

The repetitive task of laying the supplies in order calmed the asari's pulse and she no longer felt she was in a panic. "Do you really think she will be alright?" Liara asked.

Dr. Chakwas looked Liara in the eyes with motherly affection. "Yes, I know it. Shepard is unlike any soldier I have ever served with. She has a remarkable will. She will not leave this galaxy defenseless against the Reapers. And, most of all, she would not leave you."

At that moment, Dr. Chakwas' care reminded Liara of her mother, Benezia. It had been many years since she had felt the comfort of her mother's love. "Thank you, doctor. I… I believe what you are saying. I suppose I have been more worried lately than usual because of this reoccurring dream I've been having."

Dr. Chakwas raised her eyebrow inquisitively as she asked, "Would you like to talk about it? I'm no psychologist but all Alliance medical officers have some psychological training for dealing with combat trauma and things of that nature."

Liara's cheeks turned purple as she blushed in embarrassment. "It's stupid, really. I shouldn't bother you with the details, but I appreciate the offer."

The doctor stared thoughtfully at Liara for a few moments and continued, "It's not stupid if it has been affecting you." Dr. Chakwas motioned with her hand for Liara to sit in a chair close by. As the asari took her seat, the doctor said, "It's certainly your choice if you want to talk about it or not, but just remember that I am here to listen if you want to discuss it."

Liara dropped her head as she relented to the doctor's request, "I keep having this dream and I think I'm stranded somewhere dark." She stood up and began pacing back and forth as she described the details of the dream. "I'm not really sure, though, because everything seems strange. Sometimes I know who I am in the dream and sometimes I don't. I don't feel any sensations other than being cold and surrounded by darkness. It's like I am at the bottom of the ocean or some distant corner of space. All I am really aware of is that I am waiting for someone. I can't do anything else."

"How long have you been having this dream?" the doctor asked.

Liara sat back down and replied, "I've been having the dream off and on since the Battle for the Citadel. I don't know where it is coming from or what it means. I've been on edge because it makes me feel like something awful is about to happen."

Dr. Chakwas sat with her hand on her chin, deep in thought before replying, "Well, I can understand why you would feel that way. But the dream may not be a prediction of the future; it may be telling you something about your past."

Liara's brows furrowed in confusion at the doctor's suggestion. "I'm not sure what you mean. I've never had an experience like that in my life."

Dr. Chakwas leaned toward the asari as she explained her statement. "Dreams are usually a way for the brain to review and catalog unresolved psychological issues. You may not have had experience exactly like that in your past, but you have been through a lot in the past few months. In fact, your life has changed dramatically. You left your life as a researcher to join a military team hunting the most dangerous threat to the galaxy. You witnessed the death of your mother. This dream may be away for your psyche to resolve any unconscious fears or emotions about these events. In fact, I'm surprised that you haven't experienced more dramatic emotional effects considering everything you have been through."

Liara leaned back in her chair as she considered the doctor's position. "Why haven't the others been affected with dreams like this? I haven't heard of anyone else experiencing anything like this."

The doctor's eyes moved to the ceiling as she considered her reply. "Just because you haven't heard of it from the others doesn't mean it hasn't happened. At any rate, most of the crew of the Normandy are trained military personnel and they are taught to handle these types of psychological issues. You are not. You may also be more susceptible to it because you are logical by nature." Liara looked in the doctor's eyes and the hard look on her face betrayed the fact that she had been slightly offended by the doctor's statement. Dr. Chakwas saw Liara's reaction and chuckled a bit as she continued. "Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. I just meant that you tend to think about things in a logical manner rather than feeling your emotions directly. There's certainly nothing wrong with that but it could make you more prone to have unresolved emotions you are not aware of. The dream is just your brain's way of sorting all of that out."

"I see," the asari said. "What you've said is interesting and I will consider it. I'm still not certain if that is correct, but it does make me feel better about it." Dr. Chakwas nodded in response and the pair two spent the remaining time organizing the rest of the medical supplies in silence.

The sound of the intercom broke the silence. XO Pressly reported, "Dr. Chakwas, prepare for incoming patients. Shepard is on board."

In an instant, Liara was out of the med bay door and in the elevator to the cargo bay. She felt her heart jumping in her chest, her pulse quicken with each second of the elevator's slow descent to the next level. "By the Goddess! Why is this thing so slow?" Liara exclaimed as she kicked the side of the elevator in anger.

Finally, the elevator reached the cargo bay and Liara ran to the side of the Mako. The hatch of the Mako opened and Shepard stepped out, limping. She smiled at the sight of the asari before her. Shepard laughed and said, "See, I told you I'd be back in no time."


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3_

Liara ran to the Commander and pulled her into a tight embrace. "Whoa, whoa, take it easy. I'm still a little bit sore," Shepard teased Liara. Liara quickly jumped back, afraid that she had caused greater injury.

"Oh, Goddess, I'm sorry, Shepard. I was just so happy to see you that I didn't think … I mean, I should have thought of your condition. I …." The asari's rambling was broken by the sound of suppressed laughter as Shepard tried to hold in her amusement. "Oh, you were teasing me, weren't you?" Liara asked as she fidgeted with her hands. Shepard smiled at Liara, then kissed her cheek. Liara finally began to relax and felt as if she had taken in her first breath in hours.

Shepard turned to face remaining members of the shore party climbing out of the Mako. Garrus emerged first and walked calmly towards the Commander. Cocking his head to the side, he said, "Now don't you think you pissed off enough asari today?"

Tali followed afterwards. She was entering commands in her omnitool to run suit diagnostics. She looked up from the tests long enough to joke, "Maybe she has a quota she has to meet." Liara observed the team as they settled into their normal banter. Only Kaidan appeared to be withdrawn. Liara watched him in the back of the group and had the impression that something serious was on his mind.

Liara turned back to Shepard and asked, "What happened down there?" Shepard motioned for Liara to follow her as she headed towards the elevator. The rest of the team returned to their stations to complete the normal weapons and armor maintenance required after the completion of a mission. Kaidan seemed to want to follow the pair, but instead headed to his equipment locker.

Shepard and Liara stepped into the elevator to move to the next level. "I just made a bad judgment call. I moved up to protect the flanks, but a commando had maneuvered to my blind spot before I got into position. She hit me with a biotic throw and I slammed into a wall. It knocked the wind out of me. I'm alright, but, I tell you, she must have been a matriarch because I can't remember running into anyone with that much biotic power. I feel like I've been run over by the Mako!" Liara smiled as her partner joked about the experience.

The pair stepped out as the elevator finished its assent and the elevator immediately returned to the cargo bay. Dr. Chakwas was waiting in front of the elevator door for the Commander. "Commander, are you injured?" the doctor asked calmly.

Shepard had a tendency to avoid routine medical evaluations after missions, and Liara could tell that this time would be no different. "I'm fine, doctor, really. I just had the wind knocked out of me. I appreciate you waiting here, but I really don't need an evaluation." Liara sensed that more happened on Lorek than Shepard admitted and she wished that Shepard would get an evaluation, if only to relieve Liara's fears.

Dr. Chakwas apparently had the same intuition as Liara. With a firm tone, she said, "I appreciate that you are the Commander of this ship, but I make the medical decisions here. Please follow me into the med bay." Shepard rolled her eyes as saw that this was a battle she was not going to win and reluctantly followed the doctor.

Liara was about to follow them to the med bay, but the sound of the elevator stopped her. She turned to see Kaidan emerge from the elevator. He looked at Liara with worry in his eyes and asked, "Is Shepard alright?"

Liara felt awkward when she communicated with humans in general but this feeling was amplified when she spoke with Lt. Alenko. Months ago, he had confronted the Commander and Liara about the nature of their relationship. He had feelings for Shepard but soon found those feelings would be unrequited because of the blossoming relationship between Shepard and the asari. Kaidan had always remained professional afterwards, but Liara sensed that the sight of Shepard's growing affection for Liara put a terrible weight on him. He seemed to be experiencing even more anguish than usual or he was at least not putting forth the effort to conceal his emotions.

Not quite certain how to respond to the human's raw emotion, Liara cast her eyes to the ground. "I think she will be alright. She says she is just sore from a biotic throw." The two stood in silence, not certain how to acknowledge what they both felt about Shepard. Finally, Liara broke the silence and asked, "Is that all that happened down there? It seems so unlike her to put herself in that position."

"You're right, it is unlike her. It's my fault. I advanced on the left flank too fast and got myself pinned. She put herself in a bad position to protect me. She's been doing that more lately, you know, since …." Kaidan looked to the side and took a deep breath. "…. since Virmire." Liara then understood why Kaidan was withdrawn from the rest of the team after arriving on the Normandy. "I just came up here to tell the Commander that I'm sorry I put her in that position." Liara wanted to say something to him, to acknowledge the fear they both felt for Shepard's safety. Her concern that she would say something that would make the situation worse kept her silent. Kaidan turned without any further comment and retreated to his work station next to the sleeper pods.

Not knowing what else to do, Liara entered the med bay. Dr. Chakwas was finishing her evaluation. "Everything appears to be fine, Commander. Your muscles will be sore for a while, but you should be fine by tomorrow." The doctor looked at Liara as if to assure her that everything would be alright and Liara smiled in response to the doctor's kindness.

Shepard slid off the exam table and thanked the doctor. She took Liara's hand as they left the med bay. "I wouldn't have bothered with the evaluation, but I knew you were worried," Shepard said as they made their way to the Commander's quarters.

As the cabin door slid closed behind them, Liara pulled Shepard into a soft embrace. "Shepard, I was so worried. When I heard Kaidan call for extraction I feared the worse." Tears began to slide down the asari's face and fell onto Shepard's shoulders.

Shepard kissed Liara's forehead reassuringly and chuckled, "After taking down a Reaper, you don't think I would let a couple of Eclipse girls get me, do you?" Liara smiled at the thought; the idea of a small Eclipse band taking down the great Commander Shepard did seem ridiculous.

Remembering what Kaidan had said, Liara looked her partner in the eye and asked, "Why did it happen then?"

Shepard turned away from Liara and walked to the terminal at the far wall. She sighed and said, "Kaidan was in a bad position. I moved forward to cover for him. I shouldn't have let him get in that position in the first place so I had to do something." Shepard activated the terminal and began searching for her mission report template.

Liara walked to the far end of the room and sat on the edge of the bed facing Shepard. "Why did you take that risk though? You put yourself in a vulnerable position. You said so yourself." Liara did not know how to say what she really felt. She wanted to tell Shepard about the anguish she went through waiting, not knowing if Shepard was alive. She wanted her partner to understand that any risk she took with herself would be a risk for Liara too.

Sensing Liara's frustration, Shepard defensively said, "I would do that for anyone. I'm not going to let anyone die under my command."

Liara knew that Shepard would continue to take these risks and the thought was more than she could bear. Before she knew what was coming out of her mouth, she said, "You mean you are not going to let anyone else die under your command, don't you? This is about what happened to Ashley, isn't it?"

The instant Liara heard the words come out of her mouth, she regretted it. Shepard looked as if she had been slapped. She slammed her fist on the table next to the terminal and stood up, facing Liara. Her eyes displayed an emotion Liara could not guess. Coldly, Shepard said, "I am not going to discuss that. Ever. Do you understand?" Without waiting for a reply, Shepard turned and left her quarters.

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Note: Ch 3 is where we begin to get to what is at the heart of this story, at least for me. It's all about motivations and consequences from here on.


	4. Chapter 4

This chapter is the reason this story gets an M rating. Just as a disclaimer, if the idea of same-sex pairings bothers you, you might just want to move along. But if that bothers you, I'm not sure why you would read a Liara x femShep fic in the first place... ;)

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_Chapter 4_

For the second time in a day, Liara had suddenly been left alone in the Commander's quarters. This time, however, she felt she no longer had the right to be in this space where the two had shared such intimacy. Part of her was drawn to run for Shepard immediately to apologize and bridge the gap she had created. Her own fears of saying something even worse kept her from doing so. She ran towards her lab, the only refuge she had on the Normandy, apart from Shepard. As the med bay door opened, Dr. Chakwas looked up from her terminal with surprise. "Dr. T'Soni, is everything alright?" she asked with concern.

"Yes. No… I mean, I don't want to talk about it." Liara stumbled over her words as she ran past the doctor without even looking at her. The door to her lab could not open fast enough. Although she appreciated the doctor's concern, Liara felt too much shame to face speaking to anyone.

The door to her lab opened in a matter of seconds, but it felt like an eternity to her. As the door closed behind her, Liara was physically as alone as she felt in spirit. "By the Goddess, how could I have been so stupid?" she said as she stood in the middle of the room. The silence in the room felt deafening and made Liara very aware of how alone she was. For decades, Liara had longed for solitude and had sought it out in remote dig sites in the Prothean ruins of abandoned planets. It had always been a solace to her, but she had lost the contentment of being alone since joining with Shepard.

Liara walked forward to a set of stacked, supply crates and leaned over one with her head in her hands. She felt completely lost. She knew that although Shepard made it a point to be open with her crew, she had actually been reserved with all of them except for Liara. Shepard had consciously crafted the image of an effective leader with an impossibly strong will for the benefit of her crew. She knew that her crew must depend on her at all times and she would not allow them to see any aspect of her personality which might foster doubt.

Even with Liara, she had not allowed her darker emotions to show, preferring instead to focus on love and possibility. Liara had been vaguely aware that these emotions existed within Shepard. Even in their previous joinings, Shepard had not allowed this aspect of herself to be viewed. Liara respected this and did nothing to inquire about it or draw her into revealing these emotions. Liara had felt that as their relationship had continued to grow, these emotions would come out naturally. Liara, however, had ruined this possibility with her blunt words. Why did she even say such things to Shepard? Liara could not discern the reason. Had she done it because of the fear that she felt when she though Shepard was badly injured? Had she been trying to express the immensity of her anxiety by saying something so hurtful? Had she been trying to force Shepard not to take risks which would cause anxiety for the asari? The reason barely mattered now. She had violated Shepard's trust by revealing that which the human was not ready to acknowledge. Liara had placed an irreparable break in their trust.

Liara desperately wanted to apologize to her partner, but she felt it was an impossible task. Her awkwardness with speech with the human had caused difficulties for her before, but the Commander always handled it with grace and a bit of teasing. Liara expected no such goodwill now that she had said something so openly hurtful.

Liara looked at her research terminal and thought perhaps if she could make some discovery in the Prothean data that would help in proving the existence of the Reapers, she could begin to heal the breach between Shepard and herself. It was useless, though. Liara felt so drained and alienated that she felt none of her abilities or skills could save her from the situation she had created. She remained, utterly defeated, leaning against the supply crates for support.

Liara heard the swishing sound of the lab door behind her. She turned, thinking Dr. Chakwas had come into the lab out of concern. Instead she saw Shepard approaching her quickly. Before she could open her mouth to say a word, the woman wrapped her in a desperate embrace. Shepard grabbed her so quickly and forcefully, she could feel the cold of the supply crates at her back as the pair pushed against them. Liara could feel one of Shepard's hands as it moved up Liara's back as the remaining hand cradled the bottom of her crest. She looked in Shepard's eyes and they were no longer cold and emotionless but full of a need Liara could not discern. Shepard's embrace tightened and she pulled Liara into a long kiss.

Liara was so stunned that her arms remained at her sides and she seemed to be incapable of responding to her lover's actions. She felt that she must apologize immediately, to try to heal the breach between them. In a break in the kiss, she whispered, "Shepard, I have to say something to…"

Shepard placed a finger on Liara's lips to quieten her and said, "You don't need to do anything except be with me." A feeling of relief coursed through Liara's body and she lifted her hands to cradle Shepard's face as they continued kissing. Apparently satisfied that Liara was beyond her initial shock, Shepard deftly lowered Liara to the lab floor. Shepard quickly joined her, lying at the asari's side as they faced each other. She breathed Liara's name as her hand moved up the sides of Liara's body and began kissing her neck. The human ran her fingertips along the design of the scientist's uniform and slowly unzipped it as she softly kissed each inch of blue, textured skin revealed.

Liara shuddered as the kisses trailed across her chest but was still hesitant to respond. She still felt reservations from her previous actions and was afraid that she would again do something wrong. Sensing her reservations, the Commander sat on her knees and smiled at the asari before her. She playfully said, "It's alright, you can participate too." Liara leaned forward, grabbing Shepard's shoulders in her arms and buried her face into the human's shoulder length hair if only to hide the embarrassment apparent on her face. Liara could smell the remnants of sweat in strands of hair, a reminder of the day's previous mission. The smell of the human's sweat, which she had begun to associate with more pleasant experiences, invigorated her and she began to remove the Commander's uniform as deftly as her own had been removed.

With the clothing thrown to all corners of the lab, Shepard again eased Liara to the cold floor, although she was barely aware of it with the heat emanating from her own skin. She watched Shepard admire the naked asari's form as her hands stroked the sides of Liara's torso, finally resting on her hips. Liara felt the heat of Shepard's skin as she straddled Liara's thigh and lowered herself on top of the asari.

Shepard began a slow, rocking movement between Liara's legs, a movement which Liara had come to know knew well. Liara could smell the scent and feel the wetness of her lover's arousal with each movement. She wrapped her arms around the base of her partner's spine and slightly lifted her thigh, bringing Shepard closer to her. The moan which slipped past her lover's lips let Liara know that her reciprocation was greatly enjoyed.

In unison, the movements between the two became quicker and more powerful. Feeling the human's fast breathing on her neck, Liara wanted nothing more than to let go of the emotions of shame and regret which had tied her down. In one swift motion, she grabbed Shepard's hips and used her momentum to roll her partner on her back. Liara pushed away from Shepard and pulled her legs forward to straddle the human's hips. Liara leaned back with her arms above her crest, ensuring her full body was on display for the delight of her partner. Blue wisps of biotic energy began to emanate from Liara's skin as she began to move herself over her lover's hips. Liara could see the effect of each movement she made reflected in Shepard's eyes. The last remnants of Liara's reservations faded away as her movements became more vigorous.

Suddenly, Shepard pulled Liara close to her, their faces just centimeters apart. Shepard cradled Liara's face in her hands and whispered, "Please, I need to be inside of you." Recognizing the dual meaning of the Commander's statement, Liara bit her lip and nodded while looking deeply in the human's eyes. Liara initiated the meld as Shepard began moving inside the asari's body. Liara was instantly flooded with intense emotions as she joined minds with her lover. She could sense the duality of their physical movements through the meld as well as the intense emotional need both of them possessed for each other.

The physical movements between the two moved to the background of consciousness as deeper emotions became revealed in the bonding. Liara laid bare the emotions of guilt and regret she felt for her earlier actions. Through the bonding, she felt forgiveness and acceptance from her lover and she knew that the breach between them had been mended. Relief pored through the asari and was mirrored in the emotions of her partner. With the newly established trust in place, the pair began to explore each other's emotions as the passionate physical union continued.

Liara began to encounter emotions and memories in Shepard she had never encountered before. Feelings of fear, doubt and grief as Liara touched the memories of Shepard's past, from the memory of losing her family at Mindoir and beyond. Liara finally understood the coldness of Shepard's previous response. Shepard could barely admit these dark emotions to herself, let alone admit them to anyone else. These feelings had driven Shepard to be outstanding soldier and protector that she was, but she had not, up until this point, acknowledged them. Liara was overwhelmed with the emotions laid bare before her and the amount of trust it took for the human to allow them to be known. She collapsed on Shepard's shoulders and began crying from the immensity of the revelations. Shepard's movements inside her softened as she caressed the asari gently.

Liara wrapped both arms around Shepard's shoulders and pulled her as close as possible while her tears fell on the skin of the human below her. Through the meld, Liara wrapped her partner with feelings of love and acceptance. More than anything, she wanted Shepard to know that she had no reason to feel fear and doubt about herself. She wanted Shepard to know how much she deeply respected and admired her, not just as the Commander, but as a living being. Liara lifted her head and looked into Shepard's eyes and said aloud, "You are beautiful in every way imaginable."

Shepard's eyes began to water as she looked deeply at the asari. The pair's physical movements began to quicken as they shared a deep and lasting understanding of each other. The asari leaned back, increasing the intensity of the movements of her hips as she cupped her lover's breasts. She could see beads of sweat forming her partner below her as her moans increased in volume and intensity. Liara could feel the heat building in herself and her lover as they raced to a physical and emotional precipice. Ragged breaths and moans ceased as they both fell in inexplicable rapture in each other's embrace until they felt simultaneously fulfilled and utterly spent.

Liara slowly fell into Shepard's arms as the remnants of the meld dissipated. For the first time, Liara truly understood her purpose here and now; she understood what she could do that no one else in the universe could. Lying in her lover's arms, she realized that she could love, cherish and accept this remarkable woman totally and she intended to do so for the rest of their days together.


	5. Chapter 5

_Chapter 5_

Liara and Shepard left the lab hand in hand, walking in silence. Dr. Chakwas gave a respectful but knowing glance at the pair as they passed through the med bay. Within moments, they were both in the Commander's quarters, lying closely together. Shepard absently kissed Liara's shoulders as she drifted to sleep. Liara, however, could not sleep so easily, her mind racing with thoughts of all that had occurred within the past day. Deciding that her restless turning in the bed would wake her partner, she slid out of Shepard's embrace and sat on the edge of the bed.

Liara was accustomed to racing thoughts. During her time researching the Protheans or evaluating dig sites, so many simultaneous thoughts and theories ran through her head that she could scarcely keep up with them. At times, she would become so lost in these divergent thoughts, she became afraid she would lose the threads before her mind could assimilate them into a whole picture. She would always return to the data when this occurred and wrote extensive documentation. Somehow, the process of structuring the thoughts into a comprehensible format solidified the thoughts racing through her mind.

"I wish I could do that now," she mumbled to herself. The asari rubbed the back of her neck as she realized that there was no reason why she should not write down the thoughts she was having about Shepard. In fact, it might be the perfect option to express her feelings and her newfound understanding of Shepard, she realized. It would give her the opportunity to structure her thoughts in a way that would eliminate her awkwardness and express her thoughts as a whole.

Standing up from the edge of the bed, Liara put on her scientist uniform and considered how she should write these thoughts down. She considered writing it on the terminal at Shepard's desk, but this idea did not appeal to her. Besides the potential security risks that may come from writing something of that nature on an Alliance terminal, Liara also felt it was too impersonal. She decided that she must write her feelings in the most personal way possible, in her own language and by her own hand. However, this would require a pen and parchment and she did not have the slightest idea about how to obtain any. Every communication, every calculation was completed via terminals or personal omnitools aboard the Normandy.

The asari walked out of the Commander's quarters and wandered aimlessly as she pondered where she could obtain what she needed. Remembering that Dr. Chakwas remained in the med bay, Liara wondered if the doctor might have parchment or something like it. Liara entered the med bay and walked to the doctor's desk. Leaning over the desk slightly, she said, "I know this is an odd request, but I was wondering if you had any parchment, perhaps something packaged with your medical supplies."

Dr. Chakwas laughed and replied, "Well, that's old fashioned, isn't it? I suppose it makes sense, though, I am the oldest person aboard besides you. Well, there is Wrex, but I just don't see him as the writing type." Liara laughed politely as the doctor got up from her desk and made her way to a cabinet on the far side of the room. "You know, I was born before the discovery of mass effect physics. Before we humans encountered other species, we didn't have technology like omnitools. When I was in med school, I was taught by more than a few scientists who insisted we write computations out by hand." Dr. Chakwas bent down and shuffled through the stacks of supplies. "It frustrated me so at the time but I have to admit that I developed a habit for it. I keep a supply of what you call parchment on hand for whenever I feel I need to do things the hard way." Dr. Chakwas stood up and handed Liara a generous supply of writing materials while asking, "Will this be enough for your work, Dr. T'Soni?" Liara nodded in approval and thanked the doctor as she walked out of the med bay.

Returning to the Commander's quarters, Liara could see that Shepard was still fast asleep. She sat at the desk next to Shepard, staring at the blank sheets in front of her. With the graceful curvature of the asari language, Liara began to fill the blank pages.

_Shepard,_

_You know I am awkward with speaking and it is not in my nature to express things directly. I am a scientist, though, and I am compelled to document, to share, to resolve. I have decided to do so with you through this letter._

_During our short time together, I feel as if I know you better than anyone I have known in my life. I also feel now that I know you better than anyone else in the universe. But you are still a mystery to me in so many ways. How did you become the remarkable, passionate protector I see before me? I'm sure you would just brush off a statement like that saying you only do what anyone else would do, but that is not true. I see it in you, others see it in you, but you do not see your own remarkable nature yourself. I think this must be one of the greatest tragedies I've ever witnessed._

_I cannot even find words to express the depths of my regret for the blunt words I said to you. I took what you were not ready to reveal and used it as a tool to gain the upper hand in an argument I was losing, an argument born of my own selfish desires to keep you safe with me. I know you must do as your conscience and sense of duty dictate. I should not have tried to make you less than who you are to satisfy my own fears. For that I could never apologize enough._

_However dark my own intentions, my bluntness did serve as a catalyst for what occurred afterwards and the revelations that came with it. You opened yourself to me fully and I was able to know that which you hide, even from yourself. I understand now why you are driven the way you are. You are running from those experiences you see as failures – the loss of your family at Mindoir, the loss of the soldiers under your command at Elysium, and Virmire… I see now that you remember those experiences with shame because you could not save those people, but you should not feel that way. You displayed unending courage and the intelligence to survive. The loss of those people is indeed sad, but it was not within your control to prevent._

_I know you will not readily accept this, though. You have become so entrenched in this way of thinking, I do not know if you will ever turn from it. I must do what I can to help you through this. To do so, I must say to you what I have wanted to say for some time…_

_I love you._

_I do not know why I have not said it before. Perhaps I was scared because this is all so new to me or I was afraid to commit knowing the dangers we face. But I could no more stop loving you than I could stop breathing air and it is time you know this._

_You are known fully and you are loved and respected completely. I will never again pressure you to be anyone other than who you are. I promise you that I will be with you and I will love and accept you for the rest of our days together._

- _Liara_

Liara reread each line, each word countless times to ensure this written expression captured how she truly felt. She could hear Shepard stirring in the bed behind her and turned to greet her partner. "Hey, what are you doing awake?" Shepard asked while rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

The asari smiled affectionately and said, "I couldn't sleep and I wanted to work on something for you."

Shepard chuckled while pulling on a tank top and shorts. "Oh, do I have a present?" she asked playfully.

Liara stood up and walked to meet her partner. Quietly, she said, "No, I wouldn't exactly call it a present."

The human wrapped her arms around Liara's waist and softly kissed her forehead. Still holding the asari close, she breathed, "Show me," into Liara's skin.

Liara turned in her lover's arms and picked up the pieces of parchment, handing them to Shepard. The human's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion while staring at the alien writing. With uncertainty, she asked, "Is this a love letter written in asari… on parchment?" Shepard could not help but smile at the unique gift she had been given.

Liara stared deeply in Shepard's eyes. "Let's call it an explanation…. and a promise," she said with sincerity.

Shepard lifted her eyebrows in surprise and met the asari's gaze. "You do realize I can't read asari, don't you?" she asked with a grin on her face.

Liara stepped toward her lover and ran her fingertips down Shepard's arms, finally resting on the strong hands holding the parchment. Her voice deepened seductively as she replied, "Well, I suppose I will have to read it to you then." The human's eyes widened in surprise and her mouth opened as if she were searching for the right words.

Suddenly, the Normandy pitched wildly to port causing the lovers to stumble into each other as they slammed into the wall. The pieces of parchment flew from Shepard's hands and scattered to the floor. The Normandy then banked hard to starboard, but the evasive maneuvers were not enough to avoid the assailant this time. The sounds of multiple explosions throughout the ship were deafening as the ship seemed to be severed by the relentless attack.

Shepard stumbled to the far side of the room where she had haphazardly placed her armor the previous day. In a matter of seconds, the Commander had all her armor in place. She turned to Liara, who was still attempting to gain her balance amidst the Normandy's desperate attempts to evade the enemy. Shepard shouted, "Liara, get some armor on now!"

Liara stumbled forward in the room and said, "I'm staying with you."

Shepard grabbed her partner by the shoulders and steadied her feet. With determination, Shepard pleaded, "Get armor on now. I want to be able to hear that promise when this is over." The lovers held each other's gaze for a second more and Shepard turned and ran out of her quarters.

* * *

Note: I always felt that Liara would have told Shepard that she loved her before the end of ME3. The idea of the letter was my way of doing that without breaking canon.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: A portion of this chapter includes the first few minutes of ME2. All dialog for this section of the chapter was written and owned by Bioware. I'm not a big fan of rewriting direct scenes in the games, but it was part of the arc of the story.

* * *

_Chapter 6_

Liara followed Shepard immediately afterwards but soon lost the Commander as she emerged from the quarters. Her senses were assaulted by the evidence of the battle. Alarms from various parts of the ship screamed in her ears. Her eyes stung and her lungs faltered from the smoke emanating from fires in every corner of the ship. The heat of the fires seemed to rend the flesh from her bones. The lack of air and the debris crashing around her robbed her of the concentration needed to create a biotic barrier to shield herself.

She knew a set of equipment lockers were no less than 30 meters ahead of her, but the smoke obscured them from view. She toppled forward with her arms outstretched until she felt the heat of the metal beneath her palms. Frantically, her fingertips scanned the surface of the locker until she was able to locate the latch to open the door. Pieces of armor and other equipment tumbled at her feet.

It took a few moments for the asari to lock the pieces of armor in place. Once completed, she ran up the stairs to the CIC. As she bounded up the last step, the extent of the devastation of the Normandy became clear. Small sections of the hull above had been torn asunder, revealing a steely blue planet in the distance.

Shepard was nowhere to be seen in the CIC. Liara ran to the helm, passing bodies of the crew members on the way. She passed the clear barrier protecting the helm to see the body of XO Pressly spread on the floor behind the helmsman. Joker's hands were a blur as he entered commands in the helm terminal. Liara shouted over the persistent alarms of the Normandy, "Joker, what is happening?"

Joker did not look at Liara, focusing his eyes on the screens before him, he shouted back, "Attack from forces unknown, what do you think?"

Liara grabbed the helmsman's shoulder and pleaded, "Joker, come with me! We have to find Shepard."

Joker continued entering commands in the helm terminal. "No, I'm not leaving." Turning to the asari, he said, "Go find Shepard and get out of here." Knowing she did not have the time to convince him, she turned and ran back down the corridor to the CIC. A larger section of the hull above the CIC had torn away and the gravity boots of Liara's armor engaged, slowing her pace until she could reach the steps.

Finally reaching the steps to the lower level, she saw that much of the smoke she encountered earlier had been pulled into the depths of space. With her visibility and sense of gravity restored, she took off her helmet and ran down the steps. She located Shepard standing at a terminal at the end of the corridor of sleeper pods. She ran down the corridor as explosions blasted from all sides. "Shepard!" she shouted.

The Commander put on her helmet and turned to Liara. "The distress beacon is ready for launch."

Looking at the vast destruction of the Normandy as she put on her own helmet, Liara was not sure they would be able to hold for extraction. "Will the Alliance get here in time?" she asked.

Shepard surveyed the damage around her. She turned to reach for a fire extinguisher. "The Alliance won't abandon us. We just need to hold on." She tossed the extinguisher to Liara. "Get everyone onto the escape shuttles."

Liara's back was turned to the Commander as she used the extinguisher at the fire at her feet. "Joker is still in the cockpit. He won't evacuate." She turned her head Shepard's direction and resolutely said, "I'm not leaving either."

Shepard walked purposefully towards Liara and grabbed her arm. "I need you to get everyone on the evac shuttles. I'll take care of Joker."

Shepard began walking down the corridor again but an explosion knocked them both off their feet. "Shepard," Liara cried out.

Shepard grabbed a bar above her head for support. She turned her head to face the asari. "Liara, go. Now."

Liara stood still for a second, not knowing what to do. The promise she had made flashed into her mind and she knew that she must do what Shepard ordered. With regret, she replied "Aye, aye." She quickly turned and made her way to the escape shuttles. She shouted, "Everybody in, go, go, go!" as she waved the remaining crew members into the shuttle. A blast threw the corpse of one of the crew members at her feet. She scrambled into the shuttle, taking the last seat. She locked the overhead bar in place and hit the launch button. She shook in her seat as the shuttle rumbled into the dark unknown.

From her seat, she began manning the terminal next to the shuttle door. She ran diagnostics to check the status of the shuttle. The diagnostics showed the shuttle had not sustained damage. She could also see that a total of five of the six escape shuttles from the starboard side of the Normandy were launched. The onboard terminal system of the shuttle had determined the optimal rendezvous point in the planet below and the internal guidance systems of the five shuttles adjusted to meet the same navigational point. Liara did not even blink as she waited to see the launch of the sixth escape shuttle, the shuttle that would carry Shepard and Joker.

Several minutes passed and there was no change in the status of the sixth shuttle. The temperature of the shuttle began to increase as did the turbulence. One of the crew members commented that they were entering the stratosphere of the unknown planet. Liara turned her attention back to the terminal in time to see the launch of the sixth shuttle. Her breath caught in her throat and she muttered, "Thank the Goddess," under her breath.

The temperature of the shuttle decreased rapidly but the turbulence remained. The diagnostics on the terminal went haywire. Liara wildly entered commands into the terminal but could not regain control of the systems or establish contact with any other shuttle. Suddenly, the shuttle jerked violently as it hit ground but rather than stopping where it landed, the shuttle continued moving on the surface of the planet. Liara had not been able to access any data on the planet and she had no way of knowing what type of environment they landed in.

The escape shuttle finally stopped sliding and the crew remained in stunned silence. Liara was the first to lift the overhead bar and stand from her seat. "Is anyone here a tech expert?" A dark-haired marine stood from his seat and nodded in Liara's direction. "Good, come up here and get the diagnostics running on this terminal." The marine quickly walked past her as she bent down to remove the covering to a supply cache in the floor of the shuttle. Liara thought back to a time before she revealed her feelings for Shepard when Shepard insisted that she learn all of the systems and supplies in the escape shuttles. She was incredibly grateful now that the Commander had shared this information with her. Smiling at the memory, she recalled at the time she thought it was only an excuse Shepard was using to get the asari into an enclosed space.

She looked up to count the number of injured crew. Seeing only two that appeared to be injured, her eyes settled on the marine sitting in front of her. "You, help me dispense this medigel." Although Liara had no Alliance rank, the crew in the shuttle followed her direction without hesitation. Perhaps they heard a bit of the Commander in her voice.

As Liara worked to tend to the injuries of the crew, the tech expert made some progress with the shuttle's terminal. "Dr. T'Soni, I have accessed some information but the terminal is far from fully operational." Liara walked towards the tech expert and bent down to view the terminal display. The tech expert continued, "We are on planet Alchera, forth planet from the star Amada. The average temperature is a – 220 C and the atmosphere is a combination of ammonia and methane." The expert turned to look Liara in the eyes. "No known life forms, Dr. T'Soni."

Liara nodded in acknowledgement. "Thank you, soldier. How are the communication systems?"

The tech expert shook his head in frustration. "This planet is solid ice and we appear to be in the middle of a seasonal storm. It is breaking up all communications. Long range communications will be impossible. I am getting static from nearby terminals. I think we have multiple shuttles close by."

Liara placed her hand on the man's shoulder as she stood up. "At least the guidance systems to the rendezvous point still worked. Please keep working to clear the static on the communications." Liara turned her attention to the supply cache in the floor of the shuttle and began itemizing supplies. Each shuttle is equipped with necessary shelters and provisions for a variety of environments. Liara was certain that with a planet as inhospitable as Alchera, they would need to leverage every bit of their supplies.

Just as Liara assigned responsibilities to the crew for each of the supplies and provisions, she heard the rhythmic noise of metal hitting the door of the shuttle. She ensured the environmental systems were functional on each crew member's armor before opening the door. She stepped out to see the tall form of a turian before her, enveloped in the violent winds of the storm. Garrus stepped close to her and yelled, "Hey, T'Soni, you think they have a bar on this planet?"


	7. Chapter 7

_Chapter 7_

Liara was overjoyed that her friend was alive but confused at his levity. "Garrus…" she said in a serious tone. "How can you make jokes at a time like this?"

The turian's husky voice deepened considerably as he replied, "The truth is that the situation is not good. This storm is wreaking havoc on all communication systems. You have to practically be standing on top of someone for helmet to helmet communications to work. We have no visibility with this damn wind obscuring everything." Garrus paused and looked off in the distance. "We've been trying to complete a head count but the numbers are coming up very short." He placed a hand on Liara's shoulder before continuing. "Liara, I'm sorry. We can't find Shepard."

The turian was surprised at the light tone of Liara's reply, "Oh, it's alright. I mean, Shepard had to go get Joker from the helm. She didn't evacuate the same time we did."

"The spirits are watching over us then." The relief in his voice was apparent. He asked, "Do you know if the last shuttle was launched?"

"Yes, it was launched just as my own shuttle was entering the planet's stratosphere. We lost communications after that." Liara stepped back and surveyed her surroundings as she asked, "But why isn't the shuttle here?"

Garrus thought for a moment and replied, "Her shuttle must have lost the rendezvous nav point when the rest of the shuttles lost communications. She could be anywhere out here."

He could hear the panic in the asari's voice as she asked, "How are we ever going to find her? I can't see five meters in front of my face in this storm!"

The turian stepped into the escape shuttle and briefly surveyed the terminal inside. "We'll have to find some way to boost communications and hope we can contact them."

Liara immediately knew the perfect person for the job. "Where is Tali? Did she make it?"

Garrus replied, "Yes, she made it but she has a rupture in her suit. We are working on setting up a medical shelter for her and the other injured crew."

Resolute, the asari said, "Just tell me what I can do to help." Garrus gave her directions to the location of the base camp only a short distance away. Liara set about organizing her own team from the escape shuttle and transporting all of the supplies to the camp location.

It was difficult to identify anyone or anything in the constant winds of the storm. Maneuvering through the bustle of activity at the camp, Liara was able to verify that all of the members of Shepard's typical shore parties were accounted for and sustained only minor injuries, Tali's being the worst.

Within an hour, supplies from the five shuttles were organized on the perimeter of the camp. The medical shelter, a hermetically sealed tent capable of withstanding multiple environments, was constructed. The injured crew passed through a small decontamination chamber before entering the sterile environment of the shelter. Inside, Dr. Chakwas quickly assessed vital signs of multiple patients and established a treatment hierarchy. Liara and Kaidan assisted with treatment of injuries of minor to moderate severity. The doctor attended to the severely wounded.

Tali sat in the corner of the shelter, running diagnostics on her environmental suit. A rupture in the suit was apparent on her left torso. Liara and Kaidan approached the quarian. Liara noticed that Tali was visibly shaking. Tali lifted her eyes from the diagnostics, seeing her friends approaching. "I'm alright, really," she said before either of them could ask the question. Tali's voice waivered as she said, "The section of the suit sealed immediately and I have already run a course of antibiotics. I should be finished with the patch of my suit soon and then I can help with constructing the rest of the shelters." Tali's voice waivered at the end of the phrase and her body appeared to sway from weakness.

Kaidan and Liara helped Tali lie down on a makeshift cot made of blankets. Kaidan kneeled down to be closer to the quarian and said, "I don't think that is such a good idea. You should rest here for now." Tali nodded in acceptance.

The feeling of urgency had not left Liara's mind. She was very much aware that Shepard and Joker were isolated somewhere on this forbidding planet. Cautiously she said, "We do need your expertise on another matter. The storm on this planet has compromised the communication systems. The escape shuttle Shepard and Joker used did not land at the rendezvous point and we have not been able to contact them through omnitools or the local terminals."

Tali sat up straight on the cot in surprise. "Keelah, I didn't know!" Turning her head to the side in thought, she muttered, "Let's see…. If we network the local terminals and discontinue unnecessary diagnostic routines…. Yes, that would work." Returning her gaze to Kaidan and Liara, she said, "I need all of the local terminals in the same place and we need to pull as much tech as we can out of the shuttles. Power cells, wires, anything you can get…" The exertion of sitting up straight finally took its toll and Tali fell backwards. Weakly, she said, "Get that for me and I can boost the communications range."

Gratefully, Liara said, "By the Goddess, Tali, I am glad you are here," and bent down to touch the quarian's hand.

Kaidan said, "Right, so, Wrex and I will work on establishing a shelter for a command center so Tali has a safe environment to work. Garrus and the other tech experts in the crew can gut the shuttles. We'll come back to get you when the command center is ready." Kaidan turned and left the medical shelter to establish teams to complete the work ahead.

Liara was still holding the quarian's hand. Her voice softened as she asked, "Tali, are you sure you can do this?"

Tali looked in Liara's direction, although her expression was indistinguishable under the helmet of her environmental suit. "Yes, I have to do this for Shepard. She has done so much for me."

Liara squeezed Tali's hand and whispered, "Thank you," as a tear formed in the corner of her eye. "I'll let you rest now."

Liara turned and left the medical shelter and joined Garrus' team, working to remove all the tech in the shuttles. She had some knowledge of electronics, but only had a basic understanding of terminals. The standard terminals used in academic settings often could not withstand the rigors of working in the field at Prothean excavation sites. As a result, she mostly learned to do without them.

She observed the tech team strip parts and power cells from the first shuttle, asking questions along the way. She was a fast learner and by the time they reached the second shuttle, she was able to work independently as a part of the rest of the team. After each shuttle was gutted, the team would transport the parts to the site where Kaidan and Wrex were working to build the command center. Wrex seemed to be enjoying himself using a combination of biotics and head-butts to clear rocks and ice to make room for the command center tent.

Within a few hours, all usable parts from the shuttles were pulled and taken inside the command center tent. As crew members entered the command center, they would take off their helmets, taking advantage of the opportunity to allow the air supplies built into their armor to recharge. Garrus' team worked to restore power to the terminals and set up a basic network. He showed Liara the steps to network the terminals together and Liara was grateful for the distraction from the ever present worry in the back of her mind. With the basic network established, Kaidan went to the medical shelter to get Tali.

The pair returned shortly afterwards with Kaidan supporting Tali as she entered the command center. She took a seat in front of the networked terminals and began entering commands in the various terminals and her omnitool. After analyzing the capabilities and processing power of each terminal, she gave instructions to Garrus about how to position various wires to boost the processing power.

Kaidan, Liara and Wrex stood in a circle in the center of the room as Tali continued to work on the terminals. Garrus joined the circle and asked, "Does anyone know who or what attacked us up there?"

Liara replied, "Joker said it was forces unknown. I certainly can't think of any military force we know of that could cause such devastation…" She paused as she anxiously looked at her teammates, then continued, "except a Reaper. Goddess, do you think it was a Reaper? Have they arrived already?"

Kaidan crossed his arms thoughtfully as he said, "At the Battle of the Citadel, Sovereign's attacks tore through Alliance Cruisers. That seems to match what we encountered." Everyone's faces fell as they realized the gravity of the situation. Kaidan continued, "It looks like we are dealing with one of three possibilities: we either have one Reaper, maybe another vanguard left in known space, there could be multiple Reapers or there is an unknown force equally as terrible out there."

"Can the Alliance even reach us if we have a Reaper camped outside the planet?" Garrus asked. "Does the Alliance even know we are here?

Liara replied, "Shepard said the distress beacon was ready for launch, but she didn't say if she did launch it. The terminal she was using was fried a few seconds later."

Decisively, Kaidan said, "Alright, we will have to assume that the Alliance does not know we are here or if they do know, they may not be able to reach us." Kaidan looked absently at the terminals Tali was working on. "I wonder if we can boost our communications enough to send a signal through the closest comm buoy."

Garrus stepped forward and held his hand up as he said, "Wait! If we try to send a signal up to a comm buoy, whatever is out there will know how to track us here." Quickly, he turned in Tali's direction and asked, "Tali, you haven't tried to establish any comms outside of the planet, have you?"

Tali scoffed at the question. "Please, Vakarian, who do you think you are dealing with? My people kept the largest fleet in the galaxy hidden from an army of advanced AI for over three hundred years."

Garrus looked embarrassed and coughed before replying, "Right, point taken. Sorry I asked."

Liara asked urgently, "How do we know they don't already have the trajectory of our rendezvous point? That was established before we entered the stratosphere. They may already be aware of our location."

"Then we'll have to be prepared for some form of attack," Kaidan replied. No one in the group spoke the words they already knew: if they were attacked by ship, they wouldn't survive. Thinking of the next alternative, Kaidan finally spoke up, "They may try to land some ground forces."

Wrex grumbled deep in his throat and slammed his fists together at the thought of an approaching ground force. He growled, "I'd like to see them try. Ha!"

Kaidan sighed as he said, "I don't know that there is much we can do. We just have three assault rifles, five Razor I pistols from the shuttles and Wrex's shotgun."

"That's not much to mount a defense with," Garrus replied. "We don't even have any kind of fortification."

Liara thought of the available supplies and could think of nothing that would be useful for establishing a suitable barrier. Suddenly, she had an idea. "We can use biotics to move the escape shuttles to the perimeter of the camp. Then we can remove any usable materials, metal panels, anything, to bridge the gaps between the shuttles."

Tali laughed in the background. "T'Soni, you are starting to think like a quarian." Liara smiled in Tali's direction in response. Tali looked back to the terminal screens and suddenly stood up and shouted, "I have a signal from Shepard's shuttle."


	8. Chapter 8

_Chapter 8_

Liara ran towards Tali and leaned over the terminals. "Where is she? Is she alright?" The rest of the crew followed Liara and gathered around the terminal screen.

Tali used her omnitool to run diagnostics on the communications systems. She muttered, "Bosh'tet" under her breath. "I haven't been able to open a communications channel yet. I can only establish the location of a broadcast signal relative to our camp." She fell silent as she completed additional computations. "I verified the signal is Alliance and it's about 20 klicks northeast of here."

Kaidan looked at his teammates and said, "We need to get a fireteam there asap, but how will we find them once we leave the communications range of the command center?"

Tali stood up and waved her omnitool over Kaidan. "There, I've installed a simple program to your omnitool. It will display you position relative to the escape shuttle and the command center."

He brought up his omnitool and initiated the program. "That should work." He looked at his teammates briefly, considering his options. "Garrus, Wrex, get your gear ready. You're my fireteam."

Liara walked to Kaidan, standing just inches away from his face. "I'm going too."

Kaidan sympathetically laid his hand on Liara's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Liara, but I need you to stay here to help build the fortifications. You are the only other biotic here."

Unrelenting, Liara questioned, "Why can't you or Wrex stay here instead? I need to see Shepard."

Kaidan dropped his hand to his side and softened his tone. "I understand, Liara, you know I do. I need Wrex to help carry Joker back. There's no way Joker could walk 20 klicks in these conditions. And, like it or not, you are not trained to lead a military fireteam and I am." An unspoken understanding passed between the two as they stared at each other. Finally, relenting to Kaidan's logic, Liara nodded in acceptance.

Tali picked up Kaidan's helmet and made some adjustments to the settings of the wireless communications. Handing the helmet to him, she said, "I've adjusted your communications module so that it will only search for inbound or outbound comms from the command center. Since the communications module won't be searching for signals from a broad range, it may boost capacity enough to establish a connection. It doesn't work right now though. I'll have to do more work to the terminals first."

Kaidan nodded in Tali's direction and thanked her as he put on his helmet. Garrus and Wrex grabbed their gear and headed to the door of the command center. Before they left, Liara heard Wrex say, "Nobody said anything before about me carrying the pyjack."

Liara was devastated that she could not go to Shepard, but she accepted Kaidan's logic. Although Liara was typically logical to a fault, she had not been capable of being logical when she felt Shepard was in danger. With a feeling of despair, she realized that this would be only one of many times when she might be required to temper her passions for logic and the good of the team. She picked up her helmet and placed it on her head. Before walking out of the command center, she asked Tali to notify her immediately if she received any incoming comms.

She stepped out of the tent and into the cold, blistering wind. Her armor maintained a comfortable temperature; however, she felt the violent winds matched her current disposition. Eager to occupy herself, she created a small team of marines to assist her with building fortifications. The team reached the closest shuttle and Liara used a combination of a biotic lift followed by a biotic throw to slowly move the shuttle to the camp perimeter. Although she had been able to lift moderately sized objects before, lifting the size and mass of the shuttle was a different matter.

She would have reached the extent of her normal biotic energy before the first shuttle was placed, but a mixture of frustration, anxiety and aggression lit a fire in her heart. She found the will to continue the relentless combinations of lifts and throws. As she was placing the fourth shuttle in the perimeter of the camp, she reached a state of metal exhaustion. Still, she continued each biotic action following rhythmically after the other until she lost all sense of self. There was no Shepard. There were no Reapers. There was no Liara. There was only the unending motion of lifting and pushing.

This state of minimal awareness continued for some time until she could feel hands on her shoulders shaking her. Her mind snapped back to the present and she could hear Engineer Adams speaking her name. "Dr. T'Soni? Dr. T'Soni?" She turned to face the engineer and nodded in recognition. "The last shuttle is in place. You can stop now. My team is already working to remove the seats from the shuttles."

Liara felt completely drained, the tremendous biotic effort finally catching up to her. She replied weakly, "Thank you, Adams. I will rest in the command center until you need me again." She headed to the command center, wondering if Tali had received any updates from the fireteam. As she entered the tent, she took off her helmet and grabbed some provisions which had been stacked in the corner. She was aware that she had not slept and had barely eaten in two days. An impulse in the back of her mind caused her to think she should stay awake to hear any news of Shepard. In the end, though, Liara decided that she should be pragmatic and take food and rest when she could so that she would have the strength to help her team.

She sat down next to Tali and ate her provisions. She could only hear static from the radio communications from the fireteam. She was only vaguely aware of Tali saying that they had not received any updates as she drifted to sleep with her food still in her hands. Her mind drifted into a dream state with scattered thoughts and sensations.

_She felt cold, as cold as she had ever felt. There was no sound, no light, nothing to indicate that she was still among the living. "Am I dead then?" she thought to herself. "Did they attack and now I am dead?" She was strangely detached from the shock of possibly being dead. It seemed impossible to feel anything in this eternal, cold darkness. She turned to logic, ever the center of her existence and decided that since she was thinking, she must be alive._

_However, this only led to more questions. Who was she? What was she supposed to do? Her only answer was that she felt compelled to find somebody; although, she could not recall the name or the face. She knew this being, though, and this being was the only thing she knew beyond her own existence. She must find this being, but she did not know how. She remained in the endless darkness with no understanding of time or place. She heard a voice in the distance, someone saying her name. The name was repeated over and over until she opened her eyes. _

The darkness of her dream was replaced with light, sounds and the feeling of solid ground beneath her. She became aware that it was Tali's voice calling her name. "Liara! Wake up! We received a signal from the fireteam!"

Liara jumped from the floor and ran to the terminals shouting, "What did they say?"

Tali returned to the terminals and began making adjustments to the signal. "Just single words, nothing that makes any sense yet. I'm trying to amplify the signal to get a better transmission."

Liara listened intently to the sound of the static. The sound waivered and occasionally single words could be heard, "….Jok…condition…..It's bad…..Shepard…..didn't…..it…don't know…..to do….really bad….." With the last words, the signal was lost and only the steady sound of static remained. Liara entered commands on the terminal, trying to send transmissions to the fireteam but there was no reply. After several attempts, it became clear that a response was not coming. She must try to piece together what happened from the few words she heard. It was obvious that either Joker or Shepard were injured to some unknown extent or one or both of them were….. dead. Her head began racing even more at the last realization and she felt that if she did not get out of the command center and to Shepard, she would die herself. She ran blindly through the door, feeling the bitter cold of the planet on her face. Her lungs seized as she breathed in the harsh environment of Alchera and she fell to her knees. The physical pain brought her to some sense of reality and she realized that she did not put her helmet on before running out of the command center. She felt for the helmet which was clipped on a utility belt on her left hip. Snapping the helmet in place, Liara coughed fiercly and gasped to stabilize her lungs with oxygen.

She was finally able to breathe again, but she remained, staring blankly at the thick winds of the storm rushing past her. Her first impulse was to run to the northeast to find Shepard, but she knew this was foolish. Even if she did go in the right direction, it would be likely that she would pass the fireteam and not even know it because of the lack of visibility in the storm. She realized she must stay at the camp but the fear and anxiety were killing her inside. She must do something, but she felt paralyzed. She could not even cry. All she could do was breathe in, breathe out and stare at the storm which encompassed everything she could see.

She saw feet approaching her and she stood up to see Engineer Adams. Apparently unaware of the recent developments, he informed her that the team dismantling the shuttles were ready for her assistance with removing the metal panels from the shuttle interiors. His words barely registered as her mind and body were consumed with the need to kick, to scream, to run.

Realizing that this task might provide the physical release she needed, she replied to the man in almost robotic tone. "Thank you, Adams. Tell your team to keep their distance from me." Walking to the first shuttle placed on the perimeter, she stepped inside and surveyed the usable materials inside. The shuttle had metal panels on the floor, walls and ceiling. The panels were not designed to be moved, but she noted weak points in the metal where it had been welded. If she applied enough biotic force, she may be able to put enough stress on the weak points to create a break.

She stepped out of the shuttle and focused her internal turmoil into a biotic pull aimed at the panel in the center of the floor. The panel few upwards, pinging haphazardly as it hit the walls and ceiling of the shuttle. She could not help but think of the unknown circumstances she faced as she continued her work. Her impulse was to wish, to pray that Joker had been the one lost instead of Shepard. She could not believe the thought as it entered her mind as it was completely unlike her to wish harm on another being, especially one she knew and cared for. Was it selfishness that caused her to think this? Whatever the reason, the thought was there and she could not deny it. In her naiveté, she had always thought she was strong enough in her own sense of morals that she would not lose them in difficult circumstances. She realized it had been childish to have been so self-assured. She was now losing her own identity in the face of the risk of losing Shepard.

Anger at herself, anger at the Reapers, anger at the limitations surrounding her coursed through her veins, causing biotic energy to glow brightly around her skin. She continued to pummel the metal panels in the shuttle with ever increasing ferocity. She had used biotics for decades, but never with such power. The emotions in her heart channeled her biotic energy with a force that would rival a matriarch huntress. The metal panels few wildly within the shuttle, sometimes bouncing through the shuttle door and flying past Liara's body. She hoped that Engineer Adams' team had heeded her warning and kept their distance, but she did not stop her onslaught to ensure her team was safe. She continued pummeling and pulling until she lost all consciousness.


	9. Chapter 9

I'm introducing an OC in this chapter. Its totally "Baby's First OC".

* * *

_Chapter 9_

She awoke to find Dr. Chakwas standing over her. She looked at her surroundings to realize she was lying on a cot in the medical shelter. "Dr. T'Soni, are you alright?" the doctor asked. "You passed out and Adams carried you in here." Liara sat up slowly, still feeling faint. She replied, "Yes, I must have over-exerted myself. How long was I out?"

The doctor ran her omnitool over Liara and checked the asari's vital signs as she replied, "You've been asleep for about six hours." Dr. Chakwas paused, then in a solemn tone said, "The fireteam has returned. They are waiting for you in the command center." Liara jumped to her feet and nearly fell. She grabbed the doctor to regain her balance. She put on her helmet and ran to the command center.

As she entered the command center, she saw that everyone was standing but would not look at her directly. She looked for Shepard, but only saw Joker sitting in the corner with his head in his hands. "Where is Shepard?" she demanded.

Garrus stepped forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. His voice shaking, he said, "I'm sorry, Liara. She didn't make it."

Liara jerked out of Garrus' grip, refusing to believe what he said. She walked aggressively toward Joker, demanding that he tell her what happened. He looked up for the first time, but seemed incapable of responding. She could see tears in his eyes.

Tali stepped between the two and said, "A blast knocked Shepard away from the hatch to the escape shuttle. She launched the shuttle to save Joker." Her voice turning quiet and soft, she said, "She died a hero, Liara."

Rage flooded the asari's body and her hands tightened to fists. She looked at her teammates, not understanding why they were willing to believe Shepard was dead. "So she's floating in space? She could still have air. She could still be alive! If the Alliance gets here fast enough, we can save her!" Her eyes rested on Kaidan, knowing he would feel the way she did.

Kaidan stared back at the asari solemnly. He struggled as he said, "Any air she had would have run out over five hours ago. There's just no way she could have made it." He bit his lip at the last phrase as if holding back his emotions by force of will.

Liara was unfazed by the lieutenant's reasoning. Obstinately, she declared, "I won't believe it. I refuse to believe it." She turned and walked out of the tent. She could not stand to look at the faces of those who would give up on Shepard so easily.

She walked through the thick winds of the storm until she was well outside of the perimeter of the camp. She kept walking until she could not hear the static of the communications from the camp in her helmet. She could not stand to hear them. She would not listen to their condolences to her or to themselves, their statements that Shepard acted like a hero in the end. She didn't want some abstract idea of a hero – she wanted Shepard herself.

She sat on the unforgiving ice and stared out into the rush of the storm wind for what felt like an eternity. She alternated between wild bursts of thought, analyzing any way Shepard may have survived, to long stretches of no thought at all.

As she was staring off in the distance, she became aware of glowing lights in the sky. As the lights approached her, she realized they were the lights of multiple inbound shuttles. She quickly ran in the direction of camp and by the time she reached it, she could see several Alliance shuttles had already landed. The team from the Normandy were filing into the shuttles. As each shuttle reached capacity, it would take off in the direction of a ship in the planet's orbit. Kaidan saw the asari in the confusion and shouted, "Liara, thank God you are here. We didn't know how to find you. It looks like Shepard launched that distress beacon after all." He placed a hand on her back and guided her into the closest shuttle. He checked the camp for any remaining crew members, and, satisfied that everyone was evacuated, he took a seat across from Liara in the shuttle.

Liara insisted, "When we get to the Alliance ship, we have to try to find Shepard?" She leaned towards Kaidan as far as the seat restraints would allow.

Kaidan look apologetic as he replied. "We can't. We have to get out of this system now."

She pressed against the seat restraints as she yelled, "But she's still out there! We can't leave her!"

Kaidan looked at the floor between them as he replied. "I know, but we can't stay here. If whoever attacked us is still out there, there is no way we could live through another attack." Liara was not convinced and continued to stare at the lieutenant with a feral look in eyes. "We put everything at risk," he continued, "if we attempt a search and rescue. Just think, we are the only ones that believe the Reapers are coming. If we are gone, there would be no one to prepare the galaxy for their arrival. We have to think of the big picture here. We wouldn't be Shepard's crew if we didn't."

It was not Kaidan's logic that caused her to relent this time, but her own sense of shame. She had already admitted to herself that she would be willing, even pleased, if Joker had been lost so that Shepard could live. Kaidan's remark made her realize that she would be equally willing to place the fate of the entire galaxy at risk if it meant that Shepard could be saved.

The shuttles arrived at the Alliance Cruiser Kyoto in a matter of minutes. Liara stepped out of the shuttle and saw the controlled chaos as the crew prepared to leave the system as soon as possible. The Alliance officers of the Normandy were directed to the ship's comm room to provide updates to the Alliance brass about the destruction of the Normandy. It was Liara's instinct to join her teammates in the comm room, but the security officers guarding the comm room door made it clear that her presence was not required. This was a shock to her to not be included as Shepard had always treated the alien, non-Alliance crew members equally. It saddened her to realize that she was not likely to encounter anyone in the Alliance with Shepard's egalitarian nature.

Liara wandered the ship until she located a place to siting the mess hall. She had no purpose on this ship, no task to occupy her mind or her body. She stared blankly forward as the time slowly passed, second by second. She could scarcely even form thoughts in her head. Her only thought was the crushing awareness that each passing moment increased the distance between her and the love of her life. Garrus, Tali and Wrex each came to her expressed their condolences, but she could not hear or respond to them. One by one, they left her alone, not knowing what, if anything, could be said or done to ease the burden of the asari.

The Kyoto arrived at the Citadel soon after leaving the Omega System. The crew of the Normandy were directed onto the docking bay. Liara noticed the she had docked at an obscure docking bay in the wards; she could still see the destruction created by Sovereign just weeks earlier. Liara wondered if they had docked in this obscure location because of the damage from the Battle of the Citadel had compromised the more centrally located docking bays or if it was for some other reason. The Alliance had arranged a small fleet of inconspicuous sky cars to transport the Normandy crew. An Alliance military police officer directed her to an open sky car and she entered the vehicle without saying a word.

The driver of the sky car took her to a nondescript building on the outskirts of Zakera Ward. One by one, the Normandy crew were herded into the entrance of the building. Liara entered the door to see a large room which had been made into a makeshift conference room with rows of folding chairs. In a single file, the Alliance crew formed straight rows and stood in front of the chairs. Liara wanted to sit down as she was utterly exhausted, but she remained standing with the rest of the crew. After a few moments, Admiral Hackett entered from the front of the room with Councilor Anderson following closely behind. The Alliance crew snapped to attention. Liara was uncertain about what she should do and did not particularly care about following military protocol at the moment. She remained standing with her arms at her sides.

Admiral Hackett stood with his back straight at the front of the room and cleared his throat. "At ease," he commanded. "Please take your seats." He waited until the shuffling sounds of the soldiers sitting ceased before he continued. "The Alliance has suffered many losses lately during the Battle of the Citadel, but none of these losses have touched me personally as much as the loss of the Normandy, her crew and her Commander. The Normandy was the finest ship in the Alliance Navy and her Commander was the Alliance's best officer and marine. The ship and her crew, both those standing before me and those lost in the darkness of space, were a beacon, a symbol and a protector to the entire galaxy in the midst of the greatest threat we have ever known. I promise you that your sacrifice and your bravery will never be forgotten a long as the Alliance stands."

He paused as he looked into the eyes of the crew members before him. "There will be a time for remembrance and honoring our fallen soldiers, but it is not now. We have been attacked by an unknown threat. This must remain top secret while the Alliance and the Council gather intel on this threat. We will be conducting a joint inquest to determine the nature of this threat and all of Normandy's crew must remain on hand incase their testimony is required at the inquest. We have arranged temporary housing for all of you on the Presidium. Your housing will contain everything you need. You are to remain there until you are called to attend the inquest. Due to security concerns, you are to have no communications with anyone other than the military liaison assigned to you until the inquest is completed. Remain seated in this room until your liaison has contacted you."

Admiral Hackett looked briefly at Councilor Anderson before continuing. "I know patience is the hardest think I can ask of you right now. I am sure you are all ready to go out and kill the bastards who did this. Our fallen soldiers will be avenged in time. For now, let us not be lost in mourning for our fallen brothers and sisters. Let us be thankful that they lived and fought with bravery and tenacity." Admiral Hackett saluted and Councilor Anderson and the Alliance soldiers followed suit. The Admiral returned his hand to his side and said, "Dismissed," and walked out of the room.

The crew of the Normandy returned to their seats. One by one, they each left with their assigned military liaisons. Liara saw a figure of a man with broad shoulders and dark, cropped hair approaching her and she stood up. He said, "Dr. T'Soni, I am Service Chief Locke and I am your Alliance military liaison. She nodded and followed him without comment. After entering the sky car waiting outside of the building, he drove throughout the Citadel. He explained that he was taking a circuitous route in case anyone was attempting to track their movements. She stared at the other sky cars driving alongside her own vehicle. They were filled with people she was sure were just doing normal, everyday activities. She wondered how they could move so easily from one place to the next, unaware of the thin veil before them which obscured their ability to see either eternity or nothingness. She supposed she could not fault them in their false sense of security; after all, she had been the same for the many years she spent studying Prothean ruins. That thin veil had been ripped from her and she doubted that she would again feel the security of the mundane, of the everyday.


	10. Chapter 10

Just a note, many of the details of the experience of grief in this chapter were inspired by _A Grief Observed_ by C.S. Lewis.

* * *

_Chapter 10_

Service Chief Locke and Liara arrived at a small apartment complex on the Presidium. They walked into the apartment building and waited for an elevator to reach the ground floor. Liara could hear a feminine voice talking and a child laughing further down the hall and she realized that this was a civilian building. The elevator arrived and took the pair down two floors. Liara stepped out of the elevator and noted that there were only four apartments on this level. Locke led the asari to the door on the far side of the hall and unlocked the door for her. Liara stepped into the small, one room apartment. A kitchen area was immediately to the right of the door. She could see a bed, wardrobe and a door leading to a bathroom on the left side of the door. There was a waist high dividing wall in the center of the room. She could see a sofa, coffee table and a chair in the living area on the right side of the room. The furnishings were utilitarian and neutral in color. The size of the room was enough to make anyone feel claustrophobic and the overall atmosphere was not inviting or comforting. It seemed to be a place merely to exist in and nothing more.

Locke closed the door behind them and said, "This will be your housing for the duration of the inquest and you are free to remain here after the inquest is concluded until you are able to make other arrangements. You must stay in the apartment at all times until you are called to testify. I apologize that the situation is so strict, but the Normandy received a lot of press after the Battle of the Citadel and you would surely be recognized if you went out in public. You are the only member of the Normandy crew at this location. Your teammates have been housed at similar locations throughout the Presidium." He waved his omnitool over her and she heard a beeping noise from her own omnitool. "You won't be able to contact them or anyone else for the time being. I have severed your omnitool's communications module and connection to the extranet. You will be able to page me at any time user your omnitool. I will be in the apartment next door. There's food and clothing here already and I can requisition anything else you may want. Please feel free to page me any time, day or night." He paused, lowered his eyes and said, "I'm sorry for your loss, ma'am."

Liara looked into the officer's brown eyes for the first time since they met and made her first attempt to communicate with anyone since leaving the Omega system. With a cool tone, she said, "Thank you." Locke turned and left the apartment, closing the door behind him. She hated that he mentioned her loss. He knew nothing of the depth of it. Perhaps she would have hated it equally if he had not mentioned it at all. She turned to face the small room in front of her and she was at a loss of what to do with herself. She had nothing but the empty expanse of time in front of her and with each passing second, it seemed that more of her identity drifted away. Normally, she thought, people should feel sadness in a situation like this, but sadness was not her immediate experience. She felt fear. Every inch of her skin tingled in anticipation of some threat she could not name. Her throat was dry and she kept swallowing repeatedly.

She decided that she should at least take off her armor. She walked to the wardrobe on the left side of the room and opened the door. She took off the armor she had worn since the destruction of the Normandy, laying each piece inside. The wardrobe contained several outfits appropriate for an asari maiden. She thought she should take a shower and change into a clean outfit. She looked down and saw that she was still wearing the scientist uniform she had been wearing two days ago on the Normandy. The outfit had last been removed by Shepard on their last night together on the Normandy. She ran her fingertips along the design on her chest and thought about how Shepard had done the same just days before. She was hit by the realization that Shepard would never be able to touch her again. Her soul felt as if it had been split in two and the pain was as intense as if her arms had been severed from her body. She crumpled onto the hard floor and began to cry and continued to do so until she was physically no longer able.

The passage of time had no meaning to her in this room. The only indication of any change was only the changing of her location in the room, from floor, to chair, to bed and back again. Her time was spent alternating between staring at the walls, then crying. She would have periods when she was not able to think at all and this provided some meager respite. It was quickly broken, however, as soon as she was aware that her body was missing something, someone that was no longer there, such as the way Shepard would approach Liara from behind and wrap her arms around the asari's waist. It felt as if Shepard's arms were really there, but then Liara would look down and see that they were not. It reminded her of something she had read once about amputees who could still feel their limbs even after they were gone. Shepard was as much a part of her mind and her body as Liara was and, with Shepard gone, her body and mind no longer felt like her own and with each realization of this, she began to cry violently. When she had cried too much, too hard, she fell asleep, but the sleep had offered no rest, no comfort. The terrifying dreams she had recently continued but the nature of the dreams had changed. She was enveloped by darkness alone. There was no awareness of self, no awareness of the one she was searching for, just infinite emptiness.

At times, she tried to eat some of the food provided for her, but she was never able to take more than a bite or two before she became sick. She only drank when fierce bouts of crying dried her throat to the point that she felt she could not breathe. She to admit that she was grateful that Locke had disabled the communications module of her omnitool. Although she cared for her friends from the Normandy, she could not face them and their inevitable condolences. They would talk about Shepard being dead and she could not bear to hear it.

She received a message on her omnitool from Locke that he would come to her apartment to check on her. Shortly afterwards, he knocked on the door. "Good morning, Dr. T'Soni," he said as he stepped into the room. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Liara walked past him and sat down on the sofa. "No thank you. I don't need anything that you could provide," she said straightforwardly.

Locke stared at her strangely, then continued, "Your presence is required at the inquest this afternoon. They will be finished with obtaining the statements from the Alliance crew this morning after interviewing Flight Lieutenant Moreau." He paused momentarily, stared at the asari then said, "There are some suitable outfits for the inquest in your wardrobe. You might want to change into one of them."

Liara looked down and saw that she still wore the scientist uniform from the Normandy. She nodded in reply and said, "Thank you. That will be all." Locke turned to leave, but Liara stopped him before he touched the door. "Just a moment," she said. How long have I been here?"

He turned to face her and said, "Two days, ma'am," before walking out of the door.

She walked to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror briefly before taking the scientist uniform off. She had dreaded this, but once it was done, it seemed to have little effect on her. It was as if her emotions fell off of her as easily as the uniform fell off her body. Perhaps it was nothing more than self-preservation which led her to in such a robotic way. She did not know what she would face in the inquest. Her body went through the physical motions of bathing and dressing, but her mind and heart were still. After dressing in one of the outfits provided for her, she sat on the sofa with her hands in her lap and waited for her questioning at the inquest to begin.


	11. Chapter 11

If drama can be measured by the number of exclamation points, then this chapter should win an award.

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_Chapter 11_

Security Chief Locke arrived an hour later and escorted her to the sky car waiting for her outside of the building. She was surprised when they did not stop at the Presidium Tower as she had expected, but continued to another building on the outskirts of the Presidium. Locke parked the sky car and led her into the front foyer of the building. She stood in the center of the room as Locke whispered to another Alliance officer standing at the door. Locke returned after a few moments and informed her that Joker was still being questioned, but they had been given permission to enter the conference room.

They quietly entered the conference room and sat in an empty row of seats in the back. Joker was sitting in a lone chair in the center of the room, facing a long table of high ranking Alliance officials who were discussing the ship specs of the Normandy. To the left of the table, she could see the four members of the Council in hologram form.

Liara recognized Admiral Mikhailovich sitting at the table. He was reviewing a terminal screen, then looked up at Joker. He asked, "How can you be certain that this ship was not a Geth ship?"

Joker was visibly aggravated as he replied, "As I said before, sir, the ship did not match any known signature or class listed in the ship's VI database."

Admiral Mikhailovich cleared his throat as he said, "Yes, Flight Lieutenant Moreau. I did hear your testimony from before and I would remind you that it is not prudent to take that tone with a superior officer. The Geth have existed beyond the Veil for hundreds of years. We have no reliable intelligence of their full capabilities. Perhaps it was a ship design we have not seen before."

Joker was exasperated as he answered the Admiral's argument. "I don't know how to explain it in a way that you will finally understand. Except for a few metallic structures in the center of the ship, it looked completely organic. It looked like a monster." His hands waved wildly as he continued, "The Geth would not build a ship that looked like that."

Liara's eyes moved to another Admiral she did not recognize who suggested that the Geth may be attempting to emulate organics. Joker muttered, "Why would they?" under his breath. The Admiral ordered Joker to repeat his comment for the record. Joker sat up in his chair and sarcastically enunciated each word as he said, "I said 'Why would they want to emulate us?' We are fucked up! We are weak. They have no reason to want to emulate us." Joker fell back into his seat as he continued, "Besides, if they had a ship like that, don't you think they would have deployed it at the Battle of the Citadel, I mean, really, just think about it!"

Admiral Mikhailovich slammed his hand on the table and anger was apparent in his voice as he said, "Flight Lieutenant, your conduct during the attack and during this inquest will very likely result in disciplinary action. This will be the last warning I give you to reconsider your attitude and start acting like an Alliance marine!"

Councilor Anderson broke into the questioning and said, "Flight Lieutenant Moreau has served under me and I can vouch for his capabilities. He's just trying to answer your questions honestly and I don't think it is necessary to discuss Alliance protocol for disciplinary action in this inquest. I recommend that we move on to another line of questioning since this is getting us nowhere."

Admiral Mikhailovich nodded in acceptance of the Councilor's suggestion. He reviewed information at his terminal before continuing his interrogation, "Why didn't you comply with the evacuation order and abandon your post?"

Joker's face turned red as he answered the question, "Look, I have Vrolik's syndrome, ok. You know, 'brittle bone disease'," he said as he rolled his eyes. "There was debris flying everywhere. I didn't think there was any chance I could even make it down to the escape shuttles. Besides, the Normandy was my ship! I was the only one who could save her and I wasn't going to let her go down."

Admiral Mikhailovich relentlessly continued to question Joker. "You do realize that if you had complied with the evacuation order, Commander Shepard would not have been required to retrieve you and she could still be alive?"

Joker's voice trembled as he yelled, "God! Don't you think I know that?! Don't you think that is the only thing I've thought about since the attack?! Even after she came to get me and carry me to the escape shuttles, all I could do was bitch about how she was holding my arm when she was carrying me. The Normandy was torn apart and there were dead bodies everywhere and all I could do was bitch about not getting a broken arm! I should have let her break every bone in my body if it meant we could get to the escape shuttles fast enough. Instead, she went slow to protect me and now she's dead and it is my fault! So, yeah, you can rest assured that I am aware of the consequences of what I did and you can do any kind of disciplinary action you want to and it wouldn't be as bad as what I have done to Shepard and to myself. Go ahead, censure me. I want you to."

The room fell silent under the weight of Joker's admission. Liara looked on him with compassion in her eyes as he sat with his head lowered in his hands. She had not been kind to him after he returned to the Normandy team. She had not said anything to him directly, but she knew that her silence and cold stares had hurt him worse than any words she could have said to him. The truth was that she wanted to hurt him. She wanted him to know that it was his fault. After she saw the broken man before her and heard the anguish in his voice, she felt nothing but empathy for him. She wanted to run to him and tell him that it was not his fault. She wanted to tell him to blame whoever attacked them, but she could not do so in the middle of the inquest.

Councilor Tevos finally broke the silence in the room. "We thank you for the honesty of your testimony, Flight Lieutenant Moreau. I move that we conclude the questioning of the lieutenant at this time as it appears we have obtained all of the intelligence information we can from him. The Alliance may follow any disciplinary protocols necessary, but that is not a matter of concern for the Council or this inquest." The Admiral nodded in agreement and dismissed Joker. Another Alliance Service Chief escorted Joker out of the room. Liara noticed that Joker would not look at her as he walked past and she felt a pang of guilt for the suffering she must have caused for him.

The Alliance official whispered to themselves as they reviewed the existing intelligence before proceeding. Five minutes later, Liara was called to provide her testimony. Liara expected to be questioned by the Admiral and was surprised when Councilor Tevos began to speak. "Dr. T'Soni, we appreciate your participation in this inquest. You are not under Alliance jurisdiction; therefore, the members of the Council will question you directly. We just want to ascertain some basic facts of your experience of the attack to see if any additional intelligence can be obtained. We do not anticipate keeping you long. Do you know any information about who attacked the Normandy?"

Liara sat in the center of the room with her hands in her lap. "No, Councilor, not anything directly. I did not see any identifying information about the ship itself. I can only tell you that the attack was sudden and within a matter of minutes, the ship was torn to pieces."

The salarian Councilor, Valern, asked, "So you were able to view the destruction of the attack. What did you observe?"

Liara replied, "I couldn't see much of anything until I got my armor on and was able to put on a helmet. That took a few minutes because I could barely walk between all of the debris falling and the Normandy's pitching in every direction to evade the enemy. There were explosions everywhere, though. Whatever weapon the enemy was using cut through the Normandy's shielding like it was nothing."

Councilor Sparatus asked, "Where were you when the attack began?"

Liara considered her answer carefully before replying, "I was on the living quarters deck."

The turian Councilor continued, "Where were you specifically on the deck?"

Liara's cheeks turned a deep purple as she blushed. "I was… um… I was in the Commander's quarters."

Three of the Councilors looked at each other in surprise. Only Councilor Anderson appeared to be unaffected by the revelation. Councilor Tevos asked, "Was Commander Shepard there with you?" Liara looked down at the floor as she nodded in reply. She could hear a slight indication of uncertainty in the Councilor's voice as she said, "I assure you that we do not wish to pry into the specifics of your relationship with the Commander, but it appears safe to say the Commander was not at her post and was not prepared for duty. Is that correct?" The Councilor's statements, although polite, seemed like a drill against Liara's head. She continued to look at the floor as she nodded in response.

"This is outrageous!" Councilor Sparatus shouted. "This is why every successful military entity in history forbids fraternization in the field. The Commander should have known better!"

Incensed at the Councilor's accusation, Liara stood up and shouted, "She was in her armor and out of the door in seconds! XO Pressly was in command of the CIC at the time. She did nothing wrong! If you have to blame anyone, you should blame me. I distracted her."

The turian Councilor waved his hand in the air as if to dismiss the asari's statements. "Meaningless," he said. "She allowed herself to be distracted. A good military leader doesn't do that."

Councilor Anderson turned towards his fellow Council members. "She was one of the best military commanders the Alliance has ever had. You can't make accusations like that!"

Councilor Sparatus did not back down from his statements. "If she was one of the best you ever had, then that might explain why the Alliance could not hold its own in the First Contact War. Throughout this inquest, I have seen evidence of insubordination, fraternization, poor judgment calls and unnecessary risks! It seems obvious to me that the Normandy was destroyed so quickly not because it encountered an unstoppable enemy, but because she was poorly led."

Councilor Anderson pointed his finger at the turian and yelled, "That's out of line! You weren't complaining about how the Normandy was 'poorly led' when she led the defense at the Battle of the Citadel and saved your bony, turian ass!"

Councilor Sparatus stepped close to Anderson as he said, "By the spirits, man, the best ship in the Alliance Navy has been destroyed and twenty people are dead! Someone has to be accountable for that. Are you really going to tell the families of the fallen soldiers that the Commander did everything she could when she was busy in her quarters with her lover?

The two Councilors appeared to be ready to come to blows when Councilor Tevos interjected, "Enough! Councilors, I remind you that you are in the middle of a questioning of a witness. Perhaps this type of exchange would be more appropriate for the review at the conclusion of the inquest." Liara still stood aggressively in the center of the room. If Councilor Sparatus had been there in person, she would have used her biotics to slam him into the wall in a heartbeat. Councilor Tevos noticed Liara's stance and said, "Let's all take a moment to calm down, then we can continue with another line of questioning." Councilors Anderson and Sparatus stared at each other for a few seconds more, then returned to their podiums. Liara reluctantly returned to her seat. Councilor Tevos continued, "Now then, we have established that you were in the Commander's quarters at the time of the initial attack. You were then more or less disoriented until you put a helmet on. What did you do after that?"

Liara cleared her throat, then replied, "I went to the CIC to find Shepard. I thought she would be there, but she wasn't. I saw Joker, I mean Flight Lieutenant Moreau, at the helm and ran to him. I asked him to come with me, but he made it clear that he was not leaving, so I left him there."

Councilor Valern asked, "Why didn't you make him leave?"

Liara was confused by the question. Her brows were furrowed as she replied, "How could I make him leave? He is a grown man. It's not like I could carry him."

Councilor Valern asked, "Why didn't you use biotics? You could have forcibly removed him from his seat and carried him safely to the escape shuttle."

Liara was at a loss for words. After a few seconds, she replied, "I didn't even think of it… I… I just wanted to find Shepard. I didn't know if she was safe."

The salarian Councilor replied, "Just as I thought. What was the Commander doing when you found her?"

"She was using one of the terminals on the living quarters deck to send a distress beacon," the asari said. "I told her about Joker and she said she would take care of it." Liara's voice shook as she said, "I didn't want to leave her but she ordered me to help the rest of the crew in the shuttles, so I did."

Councilor Sparatus mumbled, "I'm glad at least one person on that ship knows how to follow orders." Councilor Tevos shot a disapproving glance at him.

Councilor Tevos turned her gaze back to Liara and said, "Thank you for your cooperation, Dr. T'Soni. Your testimony has been most illuminating, but I don't think you know anything significant to add to our existing intelligence on the enemy threat. You are free to go. We request that you continue to remain at your temporary residence until the inquest has been concluded and information about the attack has been provided to the press. Your military liaison will inform you when you are free to leave the residence."

Liara nodded, stood up and turned to leave when Admiral Mikhailovich stopped her suddenly. "Just a moment, Dr. T'Soni. I just want to make something clear. When you are released, you will likely be questioned by the press or maybe even people on the street. You are a very recognizable figure on the Citadel now. If you are questioned by anyone about the attack, do not say anything about the enemy and do not say anything about the circumstances of Shepard's death. You may say that she served with distinction and acted honorably. We don't need a controversy right now."

Liara stared at all of the Alliance officials and finally settled her gaze on the turian Councilor. Adamantly, she said, "Goddess, why would I ever say anything else about her? That is who she was." After she made her point, she turned quickly and left the conference room. Locke had to run to catch up with her in the foyer. She turned and looked into his eyes and saw concern there. Her jaw was clenched as she said, "Get me out of here now."


	12. Chapter 12

_Chapter 12_

Service Chief Locke and Liara rode back to the apartment complex in silence. Before long, they walked down the hallway on the basement floor of the apartment complex. Locke was walking ahead of Liara and turned to face her at her door. He looked as if he wanted to say something to her but thought better of it and turned away.

Liara entered her room and didn't even bother to turn a light on. Anger like she had never felt coursed through her veins. She paced back and forth to different corners of the room as she thought about what the turian Councilor had said. She shouted to herself, "How dare he question Shepard's integrity like that!" She wondered if the Council and the Alliance would eventually try to blame Shepard in communications to the press rather than admit the real threat that was still out there. Liara recognized that it would be likely that they would do just that. It would fit with their pattern of behavior so far. She wanted to stop this before it happened. She thought about contacting Anderson, but doubted that he could do anything as he could easily be overruled in the Council. She wanted revenge, but she had to admit that she was equally as powerless to do so.

Liara collapsed on the sofa as she continued to remember the questions and statements of the Council members. Suddenly, she had an epiphany that shook her to her core: maybe she was so angry at the Councilors' statements because they were, in a sense, true. She had distracted Shepard in numerous ways. It really was her fault. Shepard was to have a short rest period after the mission on Lorek, then she was scheduled to relieve Pressly at the CIC. Shepard didn't do this because Liara drew her into an argument. Liara tried to pressure her into going against her own sense of duty because Liara could not handle the waiting and the anxiety she felt during Shepard's missions. Liara distracted her again when they reconnected in the med bay lab after their argument. She distracted Shepard again when she woke up and was past due to relieve Pressly because Liara thought it was important to read her letter, her promise to Shepard as soon as possible. She had to admit that she distracted the Commander all along and made it impossible for her to focus on her duties and the safety of herself and her crew.

Liara's anger at herself and her own selfishness were overwhelming. Biotic energy began emanating from every inch of her skin as her rage continued to grow by the second. Before she knew what she was doing, she released a biotic blast that surged outward from her entire body. It was the most powerful, singular biotic force she had ever released. All of the furniture in the small room was picked up in its wake and slammed into the walls. Within a second, the room looked like one that had been hit by some natural disaster on a terrestrial planet. She was so weakened by the biotic blast that she fell to the floor.

Locke entered the room within seconds with his pistol drawn and turned on a light. He was confused to see the asari lying on the floor and furniture thrown in every direction. "What happened in here?" he asked as he holstered his pistol. He bent down to the asari and helped her sit up.

Liara blushed from embarrassment as she said, "I guess I was angry and I didn't control it well." She leaned against the soldier, unable to sit up on her own. He laid her back down to the floor and sat the sofa upright close to her. "I'm a little weak now," she said as he helped her sit on the sofa. "I want to apologize for…"

Locke cut her off midsentence, "Don't worry about talking to me. You need to rest and you need to eat." He walked to the kitchen area and poured something into a glass. He handed the glass to her as he said, "Here, drink this now. I'll get you something to eat." He walked back to the kitchen and began to look through the cabinets. Dismayed, he looked at Liara and asked, "You haven't been eating, have you?"

She looked down at the glass in her hands. "No," she said. "It makes me sick."

He turned back to the cabinets and rummaged through the contents. "I'll make you soup then. It's easy to keep down." Liara didn't look at the officer as he made her food. A few minutes later, he brought her a bowl filled with a soup she could not identify. She felt bile rising in her throat as she watched the contents of the soup swirl around in a rich, red broth. After he saw her reaction, he explained. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to make any asari food. The soup is good, though, and it should give you some vitamins. I'm sure you need that right now. Please, try it." Locke looked at the asari eagerly and she felt that she needed to comply if only to let him know that she appreciated his effort. She took a few sips of the soup and the bile in her throat receded. After a few more sips, she felt better as the warmth of the soup spread through her body. The instant she recognized her own sense of pleasure, she regretted it. Her brows furrowed as she wondered how something as simple as soup could make her feel good when Shepard was left in the cold reaches of space. Locke saw her reaction and asked, "I messed up the soup, didn't I? It's okay, you can tell me if it is bad."

Liara placed the bowl on the table and said, "No, it's quite good actually and maybe that is the problem. I suppose I feel bad about enjoying food when… so many of my friends from the Normandy can't anymore." She was surprised that she could not even say Shepard's name in a normal conversation.

Locke nodded his head in understanding and said, "Ah, I see. You are still alive and you shouldn't feel guilty about that. Part of being alive is feeling pleasure and happiness and you shouldn't feel guilty about that either. I doubt any of your friends from the Normandy would want you to feel that way."

Liara thought of Shepard and knew that Locke was right; Shepard would not want her to feel guilty for living, but this realization did nothing to change how she felt. She admitted, "You may be right but I just cannot accept that right now."

Locke replied, "I can understand, but you need to keep eating that soup while you are working on accepting the fact that you are still alive. I won't leave until you finish the bowl." Locke stood up and began putting the rest of the furniture in the room back in place.

Liara picked up the bowl and continued to eat while she watched the human move furniture around the room. She felt guilty that she had caused extra effort for him. "You really don't have to stay," she said. "I appreciate everything you've done, but I feel bad that you have to do all of this for me."

Liara heard a loud noise as he dropped the mattress to the bed frame. He looked up at the asari and replied, "Nonsense. It's my job, ma'am. I'm here to make sure you are safe and right now that means making sure you eat." Liara continued to eat the soup as Locke finished placing the furniture. When the task was complete, he returned to the chair facing the asari. He watched Liara for a few moments and said, "I'm not surprised you are angry. Councilor Sparatus was out of line with his comments."

Liara looked at Locke and saw concern in his eyes. She said, "Yes, I've been trying to work through that." She did not reveal that most of her anger was directed at herself. The doubts about her own actions came back into her mind and she felt her anger building. She needed a distraction to keep her from focusing on her rage and she thought Locke might be able to provide it. She said, "I'm looking for another perspective to help me figure this out. What exactly did you think was out of line with what he said?"

Locke leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling while he considered his answer. "I can understand why he said it. He is a turian. Generally as a culture, they are set on following rules at all costs, especially when it comes to the military. However, that kind of adherence to rules can cause unintended problems."

Liara forgot about her emotions as she tried to follow the human's reasoning. "What kind of problems can that cause?" she asked.

"Well, we are not born with an innate understanding of all the rules we should follow. We learn the rules as we grow up based on what society has determined we should do. However, because society has created the rule, it is fallible and may not apply to all circumstances. Imagine you are commanding a squad and you are in the middle of an enemy engagement. The military has taught you a certain protocol to follow to handle this type of situation. You know if you follow the protocol, your squad will be wiped out and you have no chance to achieve your mission objective. What do you do? Do you sacrifice you squad to follow a rule? A turian military officer would say you should follow the rule and the sacrifice of the squad will be honored. I don't agree with that."

Liara leaned forward and asked, "So you are saying your potential actions in any given situation should be judged on its own merits?"

Locke nodded and said, "Exactly. It would be wonderful if we had a set standard of rules that worked in all situations, but life is messy and I think we have to account for that. What do you think?"

Liara thought for several moments before she replied. For the majority of her life, she had operated on the belief that there were certain ethical laws which should not be broken regardless of the circumstances. Her last encounter with Benezia changed her. She could imagine that all societies could agree as a rule that a person should not kill her own mother. However, she did kill her mother to help protect the galaxy. She reasoned that the needs of the many outweighed the need to save her mother. Perhaps this way of thinking about morality was a trait unique to humans and her own position had changed to adapt to it since joining the Normandy crew. "I'm inclined to agree with you," she said, "but was do you think about Councilor Sparatus' accusations about the Commander?"

"That's another instance of trying to apply a rule, no fraternization, in this case, in all situations," he said. "However, we are not robots created to follow a series of rules. We are humans with hopes and desires. If an officer denies his own emotional needs, he loses his own sense of humanity and would be in no position to make decisions for the good of his crew. I think if an officer can fulfill his own emotional needs while creating minimal risk for his crew, he should do it. Keep in mind, though, his attempt to fulfill his own needs should always be balanced with the amount of risks it creates for others."

Liara looked at the floor as she considered Locke's position. She said, "Let's say that the Commander didn't follow normal protocol because she was trying to help one member of her crew. She was not aware of any risk that this would create for the crew. If I understand you, you would say there is nothing wrong with doing that."

Locke replied, "In principle, yes. I don't think the Commander did anything wrong. I thought it was reprehensible for Sparatus to suggest otherwise."

The two sat in silence as Liara thought about what he said about Shepard. He was able to calmly express with logic what she could only feel in anger. The return of logical thinking to her mind felt like a safe haven in the midst of the storm in her heart. It felt good to hear someone defending Shepard. For the first time in days, she did not feel completely alone. Locke's argument absolved Shepard of any wrongdoing, but she knew that his argument would not apply to her own actions. She was curious to see how he would evaluate her behavior. She said, "Let's talk about another situation. What if someone does something selfish, something to fulfill her own desires alone, and she does not know how much risk it will create for others? Is that wrong?"

Locke sat back in his chair as he considered Liara's scenario. He replied, "That is a tricky one. I don't know about the asari, but it is at least within human nature to be selfish. I would not say that a selfish action is wrong outright. I think the real key to your question is in how much information you have about the risks you create for others if you do something selfish. The more information you know beforehand, the better your decisions can be."

Liara was confused as she said, "But you can't know all the consequences of your actions beforehand."

Locke replied, "That is true, but you can at least try to know enough to make a reasonable guess. Once you know enough to make a reasonable guess of the consequences of your actions, you have to balance your own needs against the potential negative consequences you may cause."

Liara felt a deep sense of regret because she had not even considered the consequences of her actions during the day before the destruction of the Normandy. She only thought of her own fear and anxiety and acted on those feelings. After she had hurt Shepard with her own, blunt words, all she could think about was mending the break in their relationship. She did not even think that she might be distracting Shepard from her duties with running the Normandy. Liara could not escape the fact that if she had acted differently, Shepard might still be alive now. The sadness she felt because of this was so deep that it was physically oppressive. She felt she could not continue her conversation with Locke. She looked at him and said, "I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. You've given me a lot to consider, but I think I would like to rest now.

Locke stood up and took her glass and bowl and walked into the kitchen area to place them in the sink. He still looked concerned for her but did not know anything else he could say or do to comfort her. He asked her to page him on her omnitool if she needed anything and he walked out of the room.

* * *

Note: I think I'm the only person I know of who would attempt to make an entire chapter out of philosophical ethics. For anyone interested, the ethical positions in this chapter is a butchering of John Stuart Mill's idea of act utilitarianism and rule utilitarianism. I think these concepts fit well with ME's Paragon/Renegade ethical paradigms. I also thought it might be a good way to show how Liara's ethics changed by ME2.

I made a minor edit today after I realized that I went against the lore in my descriptions of turian ethics. Certainly not all turians would follow rules alone (*cough* Garrus *cough*). I changed some wording here and there to indicate that turian culture as a whole tends to be that way and military leaders in particular. No offense meant to our mandible-abled friends.


	13. Chapter 13

_Chapter 13_

After Locke left, Liara walked to the bed on the left side of the room. The basement apartment had no windows and she avoided turning off the light. The complete darkness of the room was too similar to the darkness of her reoccurring dream. She had not slept much in the past two days and she was grateful for it. The dream occurred less as time passed. The dreams were shorter now and it was difficult to remember the details when she woke up. She wondered if Dr. Chakwas' theory about the dream could still be correct. If the dream was her mind's attempt to categorize unresolved emotions, it would follow that she should be have the dream more often now. It didn't make sense to her, but she had no energy left in her to think about the purpose of dreams.

She took the gown she wore to the inquest off and laid it down on the bed. She had little to do except stare at the ceiling or her own body. She had been reluctant to take off the scientist uniform before because she remembered how Shepard had touched the designs of it. She felt close to Shepard when she wore it. Now, however, she was glad it was off. The feeling of being close to Shepard when she knew Shepard may never return was unbearable. Perhaps she should feel guilty for wanting to somehow sever her connection to Shepard, she did not know. It was little use to consider it anyway, as she found that the sight of her own naked form on the bed brought memories of Shepard flooding back into her heart. As she looked over the hills and valleys of her body, she could not find one place on it where Shepard had not been. In the absence of her lover, her body felt like nothing more than an empty husk. Now it was merely a vessel to carry organs and tissue. Her body felt alien to her because it did not belong to Shepard now. It was just an anchor which kept her tied to a physical world she cared nothing about.

For a species as long-lived as the asari, grief was expected to be a common occurrence. Despite its commonality, Liara could not think of one asari who had as much difficulty with the process as she did. The asari put emphasis on the stages of life and this understanding of the natural passage of time informed the asari ability to accept the grieving when a partner was gone, to be grateful for the time spent together, to keep the partner alive in thoughts and memories. At least this was the way it was supposed to work for her species and Liara felt that something must be wrong with her because she could not adapt so easily.

As she considered this, she determined there could be multiple reasons for her difficulty with adjusting. She didn't just lose her partner, she lost the very purpose and the everyday routines of her life when the Normandy was destroyed. She could not even imagine what she could spend her life doing in the future. She briefly considered returning to her Prothean studies, but the Protheans did not hold the same interest for her since she heard the story of their extinction on Ilos. Now the Protheans seemed to her to be little more than a signpost which pointed to the terrible existence of the Reapers.

She also thought that her difficulty with grieving could be due to the guilt she felt about her actions. She could not escape the feeling that if she had just acted differently before the Normandy was attacked, then Shepard might still be alive. She did not think it was possible to forgive herself. She also knew she would never receive Shepard's forgiveness. She could not think of any way around this and felt she would be destined to carry this guilt for the rest of her life.

Liara thought of one final reason to explain her difficulty with grieving for Shepard: she refused to grieve. She resisted it with all of the strength she had in her. She sat in that room for days, refused to eat, refused to live because living required grieving. Why should she refuse to grieve, she wondered. In her heart, she knew the reason. She could not grieve because she could not accept that Shepard was dead. Despite all of the reasons and all of the facts her brain could not dismiss or ignore, in her heart, she could not believe Shepard was really gone. If anyone could live through being stranded in space, it would be Shepard. She survived countless experiences that should have killed her. She lived through Mindoir, through the Skyllian Blitz at Elysium. She even survived when a one of Sovereign's arms crashed through the Citadel Tower on top of her after she killed Saren. Perhaps other asari could accept the deaths of their partners easily because their partners did not have the extraordinary ability to survive against all odds. Liara knew that there would eventually come a time when she would have to accept that Shepard was gone, but she could not do it now. Even though it increased her suffering, she could not let Shepard go.

Liara remained in this suspended state for days while she waited for the inquest to be concluded. Her emotions came in phases. She resisted them, fought them. When her strength was drained, she fell into despair. Before long, the cycle started again and she resisted her grief and suffering again. She kept returning to the thought that some miracle would occur that would bring Shepard back to her, alive and whole.

She did not know how many days had passed. Time became her enemy as each second that passed took her further away from her love. She experienced none of the typical markers of the passage of time. She only slept when exhaustion forced her to do so. She felt no hunger. She could not hear conversations of people around her. She thought if she could just hear people talking, she could convince herself that time was indeed passing and she was part of it. However, her forced seclusion robbed her of that possibility. Time decided to wage war on her and she responded in kind. She remained in the room, always waiting without knowing what she was waiting for. The best she could hope for is that one day the door to her room would open and she would know where to go when she walked through it.

Locke checked on her occasionally. She didn't say more than a few words to him. She considered talking with him again the way they spoke the day she attended the inquest, but words did not come to her mind when he was there. When she was in a relatively calm phase of her grief, she even thought through his methodology for determining what a person should or should not do, but she could find no absolution in it.

Liara sat on the sofa and thought about the way Locke believed when he appeared at her door. As he walked into the room, he said, "Good news, Dr. T'Soni. I just received word that the inquest has concluded. The Council and the Alliance have already provided statements to the press. You will be free to go soon. The Alliance just needs to tie up a few loose ends before you are released." He sat down on the chair across from her.

"What was the conclusion of the inquest?" she asked. She was concerned the Council or the Alliance would try to blame Shepard for the destruction of the Normandy.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. That information is classified," he replied. "I have some more news for you, though. Although you were not officially a part of the Alliance crew, the Alliance will provide a monetary stipend in the amount of 3 million credits to show their appreciation for your assistance in defeating Saren and the Geth. It will be deposited into your account in a few days. It should be enough for you to go anywhere you want and establish a home." Liara understood his well-intentioned statement, but she knew she could never have a home again without Shepard.

"That's very generous," she said. "How long do I have until I have to leave?"

Locke leaned towards her and said, "You can stay here as long as you like. I'll remain here to assist you until you are ready to leave." He entered some commands on his omnitool. "I've restored the communications module on your omnitool and the terminal in this room."

"Thank you," she said. "I think I might walk around the Presidium but I don't want to be recognized." Liara asked, "Could you get me something to wear that would help me go unnoticed?"

"Yes, Dr. T'Soni," he replied. "I will have something for you in a few hours. If you don't need anything else, I'll go and take care of that for you." Liara shook her head in reply and Locke left the room.

She walked to the terminal which sat on a small desk behind the sofa. Immediately upon connecting to extranet, she was bombarded by news stories about the destruction of the Normandy. It seemed that the entire galaxy was in shock as the stories and interviews poured in from every populated world. She saw Shepard's face everywhere. She even saw vids of interviews with Shepard taken when she became a Spectre and after the Battle of the Citadel. The sight of Shepard and the sound of her voice was too much for Liara to bear. She was ready to slam the terminal down, but she resisted the urge. She had to find out if any new information had been released about Shepard or the enemy that attacked the Normandy. After reviewing several stories, she determined that the Alliance had not released any information to the press that she did not already know. She was relieved to see that the statements from the Council and the Alliance described Shepard and the lost crew of the Normandy as heroes and they did not suggest the Commander was to blame.

All of the news stories stated that Shepard was missing and presumed to be dead. Liara found some small comfort in that as she had not been able to rid her mind of the thought there might have been some way that Shepard survived. She searched on the extranet for stories of anyone surviving for a long period of time in space. The results were not promising. Most academic sources agreed that exposure to extreme temperatures, radiation and the lack of air pressure would cause death within a minute. This time frame would be extended if the person is wearing a suit capable of providing life support systems and protecting from the harsh environment of space. However, this would be meaningless as soon as these systems failed, as they inevitably would if the person was not rescued in time. The articles did not tell her anything she did not know logically already, but it was still difficult to read.

It seemed impossible that Shepard could still be alive physically and she could not deny it. Liara decided to look for alternative options. She entered keywords on the terminal to search for any evidence of consciousness beyond physical death. Her screen was flooded with information from various religions from various cultures. The asari had hoped to find more concrete evidence. She narrowed her search specifically to scientific studies and found some promising research. Scientists had not found a way to measure consciousness directly, only the physical manifestations of consciousness, such as brain activity. Classic scientific theories indicated that consciousness stopped when brain activity stopped. However, there was a scientific theory gaining popularity in several cultures. This theory stated that physical evidence of consciousness after death was not apparent, not because it does not exist but because that are no tools to measure it. These scientist cited examples of people who died for a short period of time but were resuscitated and regained full consciousness. Liara wondered if a person's consciousness was anchored to one specific physical body and if it was possible for consciousness to exist for a long period of time without one.

Liara reviewed the scientific research for hours. Eventually, she heard a beep on her omnitool. Liara checked it and saw that Locke sent a message that he was back with some clothing for her. She replied to the message and asked her to come to his room. Within a few minutes, he arrived with a few new outfits. Liara looked over her options and selected a long, flowing cloak with a hood. The cloak was white with alternating stripes in lavender and pale yellow. The hood would be sufficient to hide her identity from people walking on the Presidium. Liara told the officer that he made a good choice and thanked him.

Locke nodded and turned to leave when Liara touched his shoulder to stop him, "I wondered if I can ask you a question before you leave," she said. "You were so kind to share your opinions with me before and you've given me a lot to think about. I've come to value your opinion and would like to get your thoughts on another matter."

"How can I help, ma'am?" he asked.

"The asari believe that after death a person's soul is merged with the universal consciousness, or the embrace of the Goddess as we call it. Lately I've been wondering if it would be possible for an individual's soul or consciousness specifically can continue to exist outside of the body." Liara fidgeted with her hands as she spoke. She moved her gaze from the floor to look in the officer's eyes as she asked, "What do you think?"

Locke chuckled as he said, "No easy questions from you, I see." His smile faded as he said, "I think it is possible, but I don't think we can really know for certain."

Liara placed her fingertips on her chin as she thought for a few moments before asking, "Do you think an individual's consciousness can move from one body to another and remain the same?"

Locke's brows furrowed with confusion as he asked, "Do you mean like reincarnation?" The asari shook her head and then he realized what she was really asking. "Oh, I see. Is it possible… yes, maybe, but I think it would change in the new body because so much of your identity depends on your own physical body." He paused and with a softer voice said, "In other words, even if that did happen, she wouldn't be the same person. I'm sorry but what you are hoping for would be a miracle."

Liara lowered her head and close her eyes to hold back her tears. Her voice cracked as she asked, "Do you think miracles can happen?"

"I know it's not what you want to hear," he said as he shifted his weight uncomfortably, "but I don't think so. A miracle would be something that occurs outside of the natural order and I just don't think that can happen."

Liara was defiant against the truth she did not want to hear. "But you said it was possible for someone's consciousness to exist outside of the body. Is that part of the natural order?"

Locke paced back and forth as he answered, "Maybe it is and maybe it isn't; we just don't know. But we would know if it was possible for a consciousness to move from one body to another and remain the same because we would see evidence of it. It just doesn't happen." Liara was visibly upset as she turned away from the man and walked behind the sofa on the right side of the room. Locke saw how his words had affected her and felt compelled to soften the blow. "Look, maybe it's all in how you define the word 'miracle'." He walked toward the asari as he said, "You know humans have technological capabilities now that our ancestors would have considered to be miracles. Maybe it's just a matter of time and perspective." He held his breath as he waited for her response.

Locke could see Liara's anger fade as her body language softened. She turned to him and said, "I appreciate what you are trying to do but it is not necessary. You've been honest with me and that is what I asked for even if I can't accept it right now." She looked at him and gave him a weak smile.

Locke sighed as he said, "I'm probably not the best person for you to ask these types of questions. I can only give you a human perspective on these issues. It would be better for you to talk to another asari, I think, or perhaps someone you are close to." Her heart fell when she heard this because she knew the only other person she could really talk to was Shepard.

Liara's voice softened as she replied, "No, it's good for me to hear a human perspective. It's something… it's something I miss." Just as quickly as she opened herself to the man, she closed herself off again. She turned and walked to the wardrobe on the left side of the room. "Thank you for sharing your opinions with me," she said with a distant tone to her voice. "That will be all for now." Confused by the sudden change in her demeanor, he walked out of the room without a word.

* * *

Note: I struggled for a few days with this chapter. I didn't know if it was really important to the story to rehash the grief stuff again. While I was writing it, though, I had an epiphany about the deeper meaning of the story. It's crazy - I've written over 50 pages of this and didn't even know what I was really writing about. So, as a testament to my own cluelessness, this chapter stays in.


	14. Chapter 14

_Chapter 14_

Liara stared at the door to her room and thought about how she now had the freedom to walk through it. She still did not know where to go or what she should do. She considered contacting her teammates from the Normandy, but she felt she was not ready to hear anyone else's feelings about Shepard. She felt like she was letting her friends down by not being there for them, but she was still reeling from her own emotions and doubted that she could be a comfort to anyone or that anyone could be a comfort to her. However, Liara felt compelled to leave the room and feel light on her face and hear the sounds of life around her. She put the cloak on and pulled the hood over her head. She checked her appearance in a mirror to ensure she could not be recognized. Satisfied that her identity was concealed, she walked through the door and headed to the busy Presidium streets.

The apartment complex was located in a quiet section of the Presidium. The openness of the streets was a shock to her; it took Liara a few moments to adjust to the light and space. She did not know where she should go, but she forced herself to move forward. The signs of the destruction caused by the Battle of the Citadel were visible in every direction. It was an ever-present reminder of the events she lived through and the reason she was on the Citadel now.

The sounds of the people and their daily activities increased as she walked closer to the financial district. The sights and sounds of people buying and selling overwhelmed her as she walked through the heart of the district. She felt tense and her skin crawled in anticipation of some unknown threat although she did not know the source of the fear. Although the sensations were immense compared to the seclusion of her room, there was nothing around her which should cause her to be afraid.

Liara felt the need to get out of the hectic atmosphere of the financial district. She kept her head down and tried to shut out the environment as she walked towards the Embassy district. Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the base of a building which reminded her of the architecture on Thessia. She turned to view the building. A large, circular door was visible in the center of the building. The remaining facade appeared similar to a tower; graced with long, curved lines of white stone were far apart at the base but came closer together until they merged at the top. Her gaze moved to the pinnacle of the tower which was decorated with a simple but elegant sphere.

The overall visual effect of the building was comforting to Liara and she was drawn to walk through its doors. After opening the door, she saw the building was a shrine to the Goddess Athame. The interior of the shrine was circular with a statue of the Goddess in the center. The interior of the shrine was peaceful, it's tall, white walls sheltering her from the commotion of the streets. She walked to one of the benches next to the circular wall and sat down.

The statue of Athame was beautiful, she had to admit. The sculpture had the same aesthetics as the shrine itself; it was made of the graceful, flowing lines and shapes culminating in an almost formless face. Liara had never be a devout follow of the Athame doctrine, but she remembered the feeling of wonder and awe she had as a child when she heard the stories of the Goddess' gifts to the asari. So much of the asari cultural identity - the intelligence, the poise, were attributed to Athame's mythical gifts. According to myth, the asari consciousness was due to Athame's guidance when she awakened the perceptions of her people. As Liara looked on the formless face of the Goddess, she could not help but wish it was as simple now; if she had faith in Athame, she would be blessed with the wisdom and perception to know how to navigate through her life without Shepard.

Liara looked up as she heard the sound of a door opening on side of the room opposite of the entrance. She could see the tall form of a Matriarch walking across the room from where she sat. The Matriarch appeared to be absorbed in her own thoughts as she had not acknowledged Liara's presence yet. Liara admired her sophisticated, dark blue gown and the way it flowed around her body as she moved through the shrine. The Matriarch looked up suddenly as she realized she was not alone. Her eyes met Liara's and she smiled genuinely. "I apologize," she said with a deep, smooth voice. "I didn't realize anyone was here." She strolled towards Liara as she continued, "I hope I haven't disturbed you."

Liara was speechless for a moment as she looked upon the beautiful face of the Matriarch. Her skin was as blue as the sky and she had pale lavender markings which spread out from her eyes to the edge of her crest. After staring at the Matriarch for a few seconds, Liara realized what she was doing and stood up to greet the Matriarch properly. "Oh, you haven't disturbed me. I mean, I wasn't praying or meditating or anything." Liara was surprised at the awkwardness of her own voice; she hadn't felt this tongue-tied since before the destruction of the Normandy.

If the Matriarch noticed Liara's awkwardness, she did not show it outwardly. She took Liara's hand and said, "I am Matriarch Maia. I am the guardian of this shrine. Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Liara's gaze fell to the floor as she said, "No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure why I am here. I suppose I was just looking for a break from the noise in the street. I didn't even know this was a shrine before I walked in here." Liara considered introducing herself to the Matriarch, but she didn't want to be trapped in a long conversation and decided not to tell the Matriarch who she was.

Matriarch Maia smiled at the young asari again as she said, "Yes, it is rather noisy out there. I spend so much time alone here that I feel inundated by all the sights and the sounds as soon as I walk outside the door. I can't wait to get back inside the shrine to get away from all of that chaos out there."

"Yes," Liara exclaimed as she looked at Maia again. "I felt the same way. I don't have anywhere to go, though, so I just forced myself to keep moving forward until I ended up here." Liara was uncertain about what to say to the Matriarch. She looked at the statue of the Goddess and said, "Your statue is beautiful. I don't remember seeing one quite like it." The Matriarch also looked at the statue and nodded in appreciation. Liara asked, "Why doesn't the face have a defined shape? That is unusual."

Matriarch Maia looked back at the maiden and said, "I like to think her face is formless because each person can interpret for herself who the Goddess is. Some people look on the statue and see all the qualities they like best about themselves. Others look on her face and see all the attributes they wish they had. The sculpture is designed so it works in both ways."

"What do you see?" Liara asked. "That is, if you don't mind telling me."

The Matriarch looked at Liara for a few moments before answering. "I see the unknowable." She could see the confusion in Liara's eyes and expanded on her answer. "Every time I finally think I understand what the Goddess is like, I find my perception of her is ripped out from under me by some new experience or piece of information. It's happened to me countless times and still I keep coming back and trying to figure it all out again." She laughed as she said, "Thank goodness the face of the statue is so open to interpretation or I would have to replace it each time I go through this cycle."

Liara could not help but smile at the Matriarch. "It's so strange to me that we are standing here talking about the unknowable. I've been having some conversations recently with a human about similar issues. He recommended I talk to another asari for perspective. I had no intention of talking to anyone else, but, yet, here I am."

Maia nodded as she said, "I've had that experience before. It's disconcerting when you end up where you are supposed to be despite your best efforts, isn't it?" Liara could see mirth in the Matriarch's eyes as she said, "Well, at least it is for me." She placed her hand on Liara's shoulder, "Regardless of whether you intended to end up here or not, just know that you are welcome here and I would be happy to listen if you would like to talk."

Liara pulled away from the Matriarch's touch and walked a few meters away. Liara was automatically distrustful of Matriarchs after she saw the blind, mindless following Benezia had acquired among younger asari. Liara knew Benezia was wise and she deserved to be respected. However, it seemed Benezia was more mindful of her followers than she was her own daughter. This was the reason she left Benezia years ago. Liara decided that she would follow her own ideals instead on relying on the guidance of a Matriarch.

This Matriarch was different. Maia seemed authentic in all the ways Benezia wasn't. Liara was guarded with her interactions with everyone except for Shepard. She could not understand the longing she felt to share her deepest emotions with this stranger. Liara turned back to the Matriarch, "I think I would like to but I have been sworn to secrecy by…,"she stopped midsentence. She did not want to reveal that the Alliance and the Council had demanded her silence. She sighed as she said, "Some important people have asked me not to talk about all the things I really need to talk about."

Maia nodded her head in understanding, "I wouldn't ask you to betray a confidence. You seem to be carrying a heavy burden, though. Anything you say to me would remain confidential. I'll respect you decision either way."

Liara studied Maia's face as she considered her options. Her conversations with Locke had been helpful but she didn't think he could give her all the answers. She did not feel ready to face her friends from the Normandy. She did not know if Maia could provide the answers she needed, but Liara knew she could not make it through this situation on her own. "Liara looked at Maia's deep blue eyes and said, "I think it would be good to talk for a while."

"Wonderful," Maia said. "I have the perfect place for us to sit and talk where we won't be interrupted." She walked to the door across from the entrance to the shrine and opened it. She gestured with her hand for Liara to enter the door as a host might greet a guest coming into her home. Liara looked at the threshold to the door and felt that she would not be the same person when she walked out of it again.

* * *

Note: I'm trying my hand at writing some details that are symbolic. I haven't figured out the balance yet between too obscure and too overt. I get the impression that using symbolism in a story is a bit like using sage when cooking - if you add more than a pinch, you'll ruin the entire meal.


End file.
